No, nothing like that, take your minds out of the gutter, for these were simpler times. For there was once a time when our broke teenage asses could traverse the country with relative ease......for free. Gone are those days, due to better transport and generally an abundance of more sick/evil pedestrians and drivers. Anyone seen thumbing now is presumed to obviously have mental health issues. But it was not always like this. Below are the cornerstones to a life spent thumbing....
1. The Look: facially a kind of half smile with slightly raised eyebrows as if to say, 'I'm so happy and friendly, I'm totally safe and have not a care in the world'. This was increasingly hard to do as the hours went by and you were pissed on. Over do the smile and your into psychotic territory. Oh and clothes wise, metal tshirts a big no no, cover that shit with a jacket bro, no upstanding driver wants to see that.
2. The Etiquette: You arrive first, 'thats your spot'...any other fucker comes sniffing, he goes behind you full stop, and I mean well down the road behind you. Same respect applies the other way round. Last thing you want the driver to think is that you are together, then your never getting a lift.
3. The Reliable: Farmer joe see's you and he's always given you a lift.....your sorted, 100% every time...you'll just have to listen to silage talk and put up with it.
4. The 'Shock' Wanker neighbour: Ah here's your man from up the road...sorted...drives past uncaring.....you fuckin wanker, I always thought you were daycent!!!
4. The Drive Off: Only happened me a few times but that was enough...pulls in, you run..nearly there..takes off at speed....cunt! (or cunts)...may be accompanied by a triumphalant beeping of the horn...take the cunts number...you might see him again.
5. The Truck: not ideal, but he's stopped so I'll have to get in, getting up that ladder is a cunt...this lift could be a security risk (truckers are weird having spent too much time on their own)...hope he lets me out cause this would be some jump if I have to abandon ship.
6. The Taxi: Yes, this bizzarely happened me once. Jump in, he puts the fucking meter on...whoa mate, I was 'thumbing'...i've no money...back and forth of 'fuck you'...then 'get the fuck out mate'
7. The Once in a Lifetime: Yes it did happen, no one can take that away from me and don't care if anyone believes it...car pulls up, four hot young wans, two the front, two in the back, I'm squeezed in the middle with the back two...nothing happened only shite talk but what a coup, silly girls, I could have been anybody
8. The Pervy Aul Lad: Once again, only once, few mins into the journey, jaysus your a grand young fella.....hand on the knee, ...what? stop the car mate or I'm breaking your jaw..out I go, shaken but not stirred.
9. The Turning Hand: A good neighbour drives straight past....signalling with hand that he's turning soon (meaning I'm no good to you cause I know your going to town)...lying bastard, you look and check, he doesnt turn...and there is no other turn before town
Any other tales of woe?
1. The Look: facially a kind of half smile with slightly raised eyebrows as if to say, 'I'm so happy and friendly, I'm totally safe and have not a care in the world'. This was increasingly hard to do as the hours went by and you were pissed on. Over do the smile and your into psychotic territory. Oh and clothes wise, metal tshirts a big no no, cover that shit with a jacket bro, no upstanding driver wants to see that.
2. The Etiquette: You arrive first, 'thats your spot'...any other fucker comes sniffing, he goes behind you full stop, and I mean well down the road behind you. Same respect applies the other way round. Last thing you want the driver to think is that you are together, then your never getting a lift.
3. The Reliable: Farmer joe see's you and he's always given you a lift.....your sorted, 100% every time...you'll just have to listen to silage talk and put up with it.
4. The 'Shock' Wanker neighbour: Ah here's your man from up the road...sorted...drives past uncaring.....you fuckin wanker, I always thought you were daycent!!!
4. The Drive Off: Only happened me a few times but that was enough...pulls in, you run..nearly there..takes off at speed....cunt! (or cunts)...may be accompanied by a triumphalant beeping of the horn...take the cunts number...you might see him again.
5. The Truck: not ideal, but he's stopped so I'll have to get in, getting up that ladder is a cunt...this lift could be a security risk (truckers are weird having spent too much time on their own)...hope he lets me out cause this would be some jump if I have to abandon ship.
6. The Taxi: Yes, this bizzarely happened me once. Jump in, he puts the fucking meter on...whoa mate, I was 'thumbing'...i've no money...back and forth of 'fuck you'...then 'get the fuck out mate'
7. The Once in a Lifetime: Yes it did happen, no one can take that away from me and don't care if anyone believes it...car pulls up, four hot young wans, two the front, two in the back, I'm squeezed in the middle with the back two...nothing happened only shite talk but what a coup, silly girls, I could have been anybody
8. The Pervy Aul Lad: Once again, only once, few mins into the journey, jaysus your a grand young fella.....hand on the knee, ...what? stop the car mate or I'm breaking your jaw..out I go, shaken but not stirred.
9. The Turning Hand: A good neighbour drives straight past....signalling with hand that he's turning soon (meaning I'm no good to you cause I know your going to town)...lying bastard, you look and check, he doesnt turn...and there is no other turn before town
Any other tales of woe?
), Bolt Thrower Realms of Chaos, still in plastic wrapping, never opened, Nine Inch Nails Year Zero Digipak.
