Tales Of Ordinary Madness

[StoutAndAle]

Things that you encounter in your day-to-day life that beggar belief. Not drink related.

A new lad started in the place where I work a few weeks ago. He's doing 2 days a week and studying in a technical college at the same time.

His folks are Polish, he grew up here for the most part but he still has a bit of Eastern European twang and vernacular.

This morning my boss came into me and asked if I'd take him under my wing for the day and show him some of the basic processes.

About half an hour into the job and I have him handing me my tools, explaining what's what when I ask;

"Do you think you'll stick the course and be a fitter, Janusz?"

"Yes, I like the college and this work - it interests me." he says.

"Very good. Is this your first placement?" I ask handing him back a torque wrench.

"Eh... yes."

"Well stick with us and..."

"No. Not first placement."

"Oh right. Fair enough. Pass me the threadlock."

"Last place was OK but I had to leave after I got in the fight with training instructor."

"An argument, you mean?"

"No. A fight. I beat up the man."

 

[91/30]

Things that you encounter in your day-to-day life that beggar belief. Not drink related.

A new lad started in the place where I work a few weeks ago. He's doing 2 days a week and studying in a technical college at the same time.

His folks are Polish, he grew up here for the most part but he still has a bit of Eastern European twang and vernacular.

This morning my boss came into me and asked if I'd take him under my wing for the day and show him some of the basic processes.

About half an hour into the job and I have him handing me my tools, explaining what's what when I ask;

"Do you think you'll stick the course and be a fitter, Janusz?"

"Yes, I like the college and this work - it interests me." he says.

"Very good. Is this your first placement?" I ask handing him back a torque wrench.

"Eh... yes."

"Well stick with us and..."

"No. Not first placement."

"Oh right. Fair enough. Pass me the threadlock."

"Last place was OK but I had to leave after I got in the fight with training instructor."

"An argument, you mean?"

"No. A fight. I beat up the man."

 

He's cut out to be a welder / boilermaker or a scaffolder if the fitting doesn't work out.  When I'm supervising the technicians I work with in remote areas I always remind them on the 1 night off a week piss up in the pub not to pick a fight with the scaffolding boys. "They're all maoris and they'll bate the shite out of ye"

[Eoin McLove]

Fair warning.

I remember years ago- twenty at least I reckon at this stage- but I was waiting at the bus stop heading home from college. Along the quays in Dublin, near Fitzsimon's pub, rammed to the gills with commuters as there were four or five different routes that stopped there and it was around 5pm. This chick gets up off her perch on a windowsill  to check the times or the bus numbers or whatever, so she's swanning up and down the pathway in front of everyone checking all the signs. Her fucking skirt somehow got stuffed down the back of her tights so her arse is on display for around a hundred people to see. Everyone is looking at each other in a state of embarrassment and shock and you can see each person trying to work out the calculations as to which is the better option- tap her on the shoulder and let her know so she dies with humiliation or say fuck all and laugh all the way home. We all silently agreed on the latter 

I was waiting to see it on the telly for a few weeks after. Hidden camera job... never happened.

[StoutAndAle]

He's cut out to be a welder / boilermaker or a scaffolder if the fitting doesn't work out.  When I'm supervising the technicians I work with in remote areas I always remind them on the 1 night off a week piss up in the pub not to pick a fight with the scaffolding boys. "They're all maoris and they'll bate the shite out of ye"

Yeah - there's a lad here who's a coded welder and there is absolutely NO slagging to be had with him.

Not even offhand questions for fear that you might get a chipping hammer in the back of the head.

"Alright, Brendan?"

"Why wouldn't I fuckin' be?"

"Right on. Talk to you later."

[Mooncat]

I work in the library service. People think it's a nice job but because of the resources we provide it's actually a haven for homeless and unemployed so it's actually just a mass of drugs, overdoses and violence every day.

Had one recently where a staff member ran back to get me (I'm management, so get the Joy of dealing with the worst stuff) saying about how a customer had set the bathrooms on fire. Sure enough I go into the women's and the smoke is so thick you can barely see. Like kill you in a couple of minutes smoke. I see the fire in one of the stalls, but I also see two feet in there and the door closed.
I begin hammering the door and shouting at them to come out but no response (these are standing feet). There's a security measure whereby if you grip the door from the bottom and wrench upwards it will open, so I do that and some woman is in there looking at me blankly. I can see on the ground she's taken about 10-15 books off the shelves and set them on fire.

I start shouting at her to come out because I'm choking and coughing and it's dangerous, and suddenly she pulls out a straight razor and advances on me with it. I back right off and try to de-escalate her, but she just heads back into the stall and closes and locks the door (suicide attempt?)

I run out onto the floor, give the evacuation order, and grab a fire extinguisher and head back in and extinguish the flames underneath the door and then run back out. About 2mins later she bolts out of the bathroom and into the street.

We had to close the branch for the night because of the smoke, so I'm dealing with all the aftermath and the various emergency services and about a hour later I spot her up the street a out 100 meters away just watching the melee. I tell the police and they jump into the car to go and pick her up, and I walk over there too.

There goes by about 15mins of searching for her in the estate, me walking round and the police zipping by every so often. Eventually we find her and they go to make the arrest and I head back over to the branch.

About 10mins later they come back and say they'll have to get my statement tomorrow because she's just swallowed a razor blade and they have to get her to the hospital.

Never did find out what happened to her after that. I had an interview first thing the next morning too and ended up being busy til like 12pm that night dealing with everything so missed a bunch of prep time.

Amazingly, shit like that happens in the library all the time. Next time you encounter a library staff member and say something stupid like, "That'd be a great job, I'd love to sit around and read books all day", at least now you know why you get punched in the face 

[Mooncat]

Yeah - there's a lad here who's a coded welder and there is absolutely NO slagging to be had with him.

Not even offhand questions for fear that you might get a chipping hammer in the back of the head.

"Alright, Brendan?"

"Why wouldn't I fuckin' be?"

"Right on. Talk to you later."

Someone that angry you've got to wonder how miserable they are in their lives...

[Don Gately]

Ah listen angry people there's no winning there.

[Mooncat]

.

[91/30]

He's cut out to be a welder / boilermaker or a scaffolder if the fitting doesn't work out.  When I'm supervising the technicians I work with in remote areas I always remind them on the 1 night off a week piss up in the pub not to pick a fight with the scaffolding boys. "They're all maoris and they'll bate the shite out of ye"

Yeah - there's a lad here who's a coded welder and there is absolutely NO slagging to be had with him.

Not even offhand questions for fear that you might get a chipping hammer in the back of the head.

"Alright, Brendan?"

"Why wouldn't I fuckin' be?"

"Right on. Talk to you later."

I used to be one of them, had the ASME IX certs and all that, never got the flowerpower hat, does yer man have one of those? They're a seperate breed all right, nearly as cranky as storemen.

[ochoill]

I work in the library service. People think it's a nice job but because of the resources we provide it's actually a haven for homeless and unemployed so it's actually just a mass of drugs, overdoses and violence every day.

Think you mentioned before you are in Canada right?  Vancouver was fuckin rattled with this sort of shit when I lived there too.  Absolute lunacy was commonplace.

I've a few tales in general anyway for this thread for later (from here and there).

[Mooncat]

I work in the library service. People think it's a nice job but because of the resources we provide it's actually a haven for homeless and unemployed so it's actually just a mass of drugs, overdoses and violence every day.

Think you mentioned before you are in Canada right?  Vancouver was fuckin rattled with this sort of shit when I lived there too.  Absolute lunacy was commonplace.

I've a few tales in general anyway for this thread for later (from here and there).

Yes I'm in Edmonton, so over in the west of Canada as well. I visited Vancouver last year and there was that one infamous street, Hastings Street, and as we were coming in in the Uber it was literally just a mile or two long of homeless packed onto every inch of the footpath the whole way along it. Thousands of them. Never seen anything like it in my life.

[son of the Morrigan]

Fair warning.

I remember years ago- twenty at least I reckon at this stage- but I was waiting at the bus stop heading home from college. Along the quays in Dublin, near Fitzsimon's pub, rammed to the gills with commuters as there were four or five different routes that stopped there and it was around 5pm. This chick gets up off her perch on a windowsill  to check the times or the bus numbers or whatever, so she's swanning up and down the pathway in front of everyone checking all the signs. Her fucking skirt somehow got stuffed down the back of her tights so her arse is on display for around a hundred people to see. Everyone is looking at each other in a state of embarrassment and shock and you can see each person trying to work out the calculations as to which is the better option- tap her on the shoulder and let her know so she dies with humiliation or say fuck all and laugh all the way home. We all silently agreed on the latter 

I was waiting to see it on the telly for a few weeks after. Hidden camera job... never happened.

  , that's a rare spot. I was waiting for the 66 bus there one evening coming home from work. It was late, I got held up fixing a machine or something and I was in a proper cunt of a mood. There was only me and another lad down the path a bit waiting for another bus. Next thing this scrote rocks up, pulls a knife out of his hoodie pocket, not much of a knife now but a knife none the less, and says he wants my wallet.
I told him to get fucked coupled with various threats of what would happen to him if he didn't, in fact, get fucked.
He thought better of it anyway and walked away emptyhanded to a tirade of abuse from yours truly.
A minute later a young wan comes storming down the path with a rather ashen faced aforementioned scrote in tow and stops in front of me,
"What the fuck did you call my brother" she says, the attitude and cheap cider seeping out of her.
"What are ya on about", says I "The little prick is after pulling a knife on me"
"Ya wha" says she, turning to the now rosy faced future gangster, " I told ya to just ask him ya little bollix" and gives him a slap to the head.
The two of them walk off arguing like an auld married couple and I look over to the other lad waiting down the path to see if he had witnessed the spectacle, he was practically in tears laughing so I assume he must have.
Demented.

[Eoin McLove]

  unreal.

[Carnage]

Dublin for ya. Worst hole I've ever shat in.

[astfgyl]

I feel like I might have a few for this thread. Hoping Ochoill might jog the memory with a few of his.

Just while we're on Dublin I did walk up John's Road there one day on my lunch behind a chap wearing one of those Australian hats with the corks on it and he was screaming into a dictaphone, narrating his way down the road absolutely effing and blinding into it about the walls and footpaths and the people walking on them. Got about 200 yards out of him before I got to the gate of the workplace twas great craic. Anyway, not a great one, just popped into my head.

Saw a fella strolling through the river down town a couple of weeks ago was on the bridge and out he came from under it (river about 3 feet deep max) in his runners and jeans, dressed regular like. Watched him stroll on down for a few minutes before he hops out again and just goes on his way down the road. By the time I got the phone out I only caught the tail end of it but yeah grand entertainment for 5 o clock in the evening. It's not a shortcut to anywhere either.

Then there was that lad wanking in the window that I put the video in the random thoughts thread last week but I didn't take that video.

Anyway those aren't really stories just odd random bits of weirdness that sort of happen everywhere. Looking forward to hearing a few more ones with a story