Pet Peeves

[The Heretic]

The secret in this country is to have a gas cooker and an open fire (connected to a back boiler or not) at a bare minimum you will be able to make tea/dinner and stay warm, for bonus points a wind up radio

[Jward]

Get a generator.

Turn on all the lights then so the neighbours grow jealous. Very warming 

[Eoin McLove]

A new lad started in work recently and fuck me, the cunt can't stop giving me advice. Every fucking conversation I have with him, he tells me, you should do this and you need to do that and you have to do the other. FUCK UP, CUNT!

Today, he's fucking trying to give me his anti-inflammatory drugs because I have a sore knee. I'm after seeing the work physio and he has given me exercises to do, but this new lad who, I'm pretty sure is not a fucking doctor- certainly not mine- is handing me these pills. I'm like, eh... I've only one kidney. I have no fucking idea if these are good for me or not, I think I'll go with the physio, and I fuck them in the bin.

Then I'm telling him that on my day off I drop the kid in to school and then I like to go for a big two hour walk up the hills. He goes, you need to get a dog!

Eh, why?

So you can go for long walks with him!

But like, I already go for long walks and I don't have a dog. If I get a dog my walk is fucked because I'm then carrying around plastic bags full of shit and trying to stop this fucking mutt from raping every kangaroo in sight! I should have told him, you need to buy a gold fish- FUCK OFF!

Then we get on to camping. I say I haven't been camping in ten years, I should probably try to go out with the young lad as he's never done it...

Oh, you need to go here and here, there's free camping... and I know this other place that's free, you should go there.

At no point did I imply that I couldn't afford to go camping, I'm just  not that fucked with it... but anyway.

If you go camping you need to go and buy a flat roof rack for the swag bags you'll need to buy this and that etc etc...

Fuck me, I never want to go camping again. Painful stuff.

I'm giving that cunt five pieces of fucking stupid advice tomorrow and he can jam them up his cockhole!