With hindsight...

[John Kimble]

Not sure there's enough of these out there to justify an entire thread, but anyway...found this posted somewhere on facebook and the sheer cluelessness of it gave me a laugh.
You mightn't necessarily be a fan of Bolt Thrower but this is so wide of the mark. I can remember that particular writer from Kerrang, Raw and I think Metal Hammer as well. Can recall a number of classic BM albums getting an absolute panning around the time they were released, if anyone has more success than me at tracking these down I'd love to see them

 

[Eoin McLove]

They are a boring band, you must give him that. Unfortunately for him their boring music is considered to be classic stuff by some people putting egg on his face. But he's right, Boltthrower are dogshit. Another way of looking at these kinds of reviews is that they put the lie to the cliché 'you had to be there'. Nope.

[Bürggermeister]

It's needlessly petty and arrogant but they were, at best, a mediocre band.

[Anvil]

Always loved Bolt Thrower and Realm of Chaos, especially being a Warhammer nerd.  Whether you like them or not, the third paragraph and a song like World Eater does not compute for me.  The song structure, the way it builds etc... wouldn't surprise me if he didn't actually listen to the album all the way through.   

[Pentagrimes]

Now admittedly my memory of my obsessive Kerrang reading in the 80s/early 90s isn't as encyclopedic as it was as a kid, but if I recall correctly,  wasn't Ling a champion of glam/hair metal? I do remember him slagging a lot of stuff I liked..probably the only reason I remember his name at all tbh.

Not trying to change anyone's opinion, but just some context maybe. Pretty sure K! slagged many a classic album of all metal subgenres back in the day. Did they slate Angel Dust as well or was that Raw??

Jesus, mad now th think there was a time where you'd walk into a newsagents and there'd be 3 or 4 metal magazines available!

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

Now admittedly my memory of my obsessive Kerrang reading in the 80s/early 90s isn't as encyclopedic as it was as a kid, but if I recall correctly,  wasn't Ling a champion of glam/hair metal?

Reading that review, it certainly seems fairly unlikely he genuinely enjoyed either Slowly We Rot or From Enslavement To Obliteration, and is surely pointing to the respective bands just in order to give himself some "expert" credibility. Reminds me of the infamous Zom review   

[Pentagrimes]

Likely pulled Tardy's name at random, they sound absolutely nothing alike at all.

[Carnage]

That review was from Raw magazine, and is quite wrong.

[John Kimble]

Yeah, my own thoughts are kinda similar to BSC and Pentagrimes...not really bothered that someone wasn't a fan of Bolt Thrower (personally a fan myself but can see how they might be dismissed as a bit simplistic) but just the tone of the overall review itself. Pentagrimes...you're correct about the writer, he also went on to co-found Classic Rock so clearly he wasnt on board with that kind of stuff. And as you said, the Tardy comment was completely wide of the mark...Karl Willets sounds nothing like him and the comment suggested "sounds like a sub-par version of [insert random DM vocalist]".
I used to buy Raw, Kerrang and MH religiously as a young lad but it was very clear at the time that they couldn't get their heads around black or death metal.

[John Kimble]

Some more Kerrang clangers for your perusal...

[Eoin McLove]

Fucking hell, that sneering tone is shocking. The live Emperor review is a slating and the split gets 4 Ks, but both reviews offer nothing but pathetic insults. As a kid reading MH and Kerrang I thought it was funny. It made it accessible I suppose. But jesus, it's shameful. Did any of those cretins like metal at all I wonder.

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

ffs Morbid Angel, why can't you be more like your distant cousin Cathedral!?

[Sworntothecans]

The old Kerrang/Raw crowd were never fond of any of the Earache/Roadrunner bands as they didn't either do publicity for them as a side gig , weren't able to blag free booze at the gigs or they weren't mates with them.

Couple of paragraphs slagging Bolt Thrower, but followed by a three page feature what's made Ginger Wildheart grumpy this week.

[Carnage]

To be fair, slagging off Emperor is fine, as they were atrocious. The Enslaved side of that split, however, is mighty.

[Bürggermeister]

"Cradle of Filth are seriously good"

Once you give away your dignity, well, you can never get it back.