Pet Peeves

[Blackout]

Tried yoga once and never again unless I wear a good Cup to hide the bone.

[Carnage]

And they just keep coming:

https://youtu.be/vU81DihqD0c

[Pedrito]

Jesus

[Pedrito]

This shit:

https://youtu.be/L53gjP-TtGE

Another song ruined (the King Crimson song obviously, not the rap shite) thanks to appearing in an ad.

Not as blatant as the other one (500 miles), but this Kanye lad meant to be a genius..awful stuff.

[Blackout]

I thought I was the only one who noticed those shitty covers. A bit of basic piano, hushed vocals and it's a hit.

[Pedrito]

I've taken more creative shits

[Blackout]

I've taken more creative shits

Bita piano behind it and you have an andrex ad.

[Eoin McLove]

There's a small cohort of neighbours in our estate who would make milk curdle, the fucking heads on them. I'd always be neighbourly and say hi when walking past people in the estate or even out on the road.  Despite the mounting evidence to the contrary,  I'm actually normal. A few of these oul ones look like their face is going to crumble to dust at the effort of acknowledging your existence as you pass by.  Not sure if there's a little elitist buzz in that they have been in the estate the longest and blow-ins need to earn their stripes,  if we live on the wrong street or in the wrong type of house or what,  but fucking Hell,  they are like a cluster of little black clouds.  It's kind of funny, the sheer fucking averageness of the lot of them 

[Ducky]

Yep, grew up around a few of those auld ones although I experienced the opposite reaction - I was "one" of them, so when I was moving away from the cradle of the err, council estate, two of them accosted me on the street and said "aww look, thinks he's too fuckin' good for here so he's moving, thinking he'll find something better away from here".

"Averageness" is too perfect

[Pedrito]

There's a small cohort of neighbours in our estate who would make milk curdle, the fucking heads on them. I'd always be neighbourly and say hi when walking past people in the estate or even out on the road.  Despite the mounting evidence to the contrary,  I'm actually normal. A few of these oul ones look like their face is going to crumble to dust at the effort of acknowledging your existence as you pass by.  Not sure if there's a little elitist buzz in that they have been in the estate the longest and blow-ins need to earn their stripes,  if we live on the wrong street or in the wrong type of house or what,  but fucking Hell,  they are like a cluster of little black clouds.  It's kind of funny, the sheer fucking averageness of the lot of them 

Ignore them and they'll be all about you. Absolute spanners.

[Caomhaoin]

In my apartment block, until owner-occupier status was confirmed by the homosexual gossip queen of a doorman to the nosey auld fuckers who live here did I start getting the 'oh how are ya son's. Spanish people can be pure gimps about that.

My buddy in Nürnberg and his bird have no kids, 10k +
a month between them and view home ownership as utter stupidity in the German context. So there ya go.

[StoutAndAle]

I got the same shit from some of my neighbours. There's an old lady living on her own down the road and a few of the neighbourhood teens decided it was OK to smoke weed while sitting on her front wall. I told them to fuck off out of it one evening.

The next morning I was splitting timber in the yard when my wife says there's someone at the front door looking for me. There's a middle aged man standing my doorway.

"Did you threaten my son last night?"

"Who's your son?"

"Him" he says jerking his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of a smarmy looking young fella.

"No".

"He says he did and I know the owner of this house. You'll be gone soon enough. We don't need your kind of carry on around here."

"I own this house. I have done for the past decade. Perhaps your young fella's mind is a bit hazy due to the hash and all that."

"You own this house?" he says with a confused look "What do you mean hash?"

"He was smoking hash on the wall of the Mrs. Yadayada's house last night. I told them to fuck off out of it. I didn't threaten anyone but I'm starting to get fucking annoyed now. I mean I could have called the guards. I will the next time. Yer man next door there is a guard actually."

"I'm... eh sorry about that. He told me a big Polish lad threatened him."

"I'm not Polish. He's melted from the ganja, I'd say." I closed the door and left the older lad bollocking his dope of a kid outside.

To be fair, I live in a very quiet area far removed from the place that I grew up in where, if you told a young fella to fuck off, you'd find your living room would be al fresco by the end of the day. So I wasn't really too worried. 




The folks in our German (Munich & Nuremberg) offices, especially those in the mid-20s to mid-40s all rent and think the concept of home ownership is a bit odd. I spoke to a few of them about it - buying a house/flat is expensive - renting isn't so much "dead money" over there seeing as there's rent control, long leases, maintenance etc.

One lad I know owns a house but that's because he lives in Landshut where prices are low and renting is uncommon. 

[StoutAndAle]

People with poor personal hygiene in the workplace, smelly fuckers, humming bastards - whatever you want to call them. 

There is zero excuse for coming to work on a Monday morning (or any morning for that matter) stinking of 3-day-old BO. Soap, shampoo, water, deodorant - all readily available. There's a lad that works with us and, by Christ, it is like an assault nearly every day. I've never been tear-gassed but, after working with this fella for over a decade, I reckon I could deal with it. It's so bad that you can tell when he's been down a corridor or in a room long after he's departed the area. He arrived at a works pints thing one night - he'd changed his clothes but hadn't washed. I had to leave, it was fucking torture.

Now add to the mix that a new lady has started working here recently. She's just out of college. She was telling me on one of her first days that she's a vegan (How can you tell someone is a vegan? They never shut the fuck up about it.) and big into holistic medicine. I didn't pay much attention to her and went back to spacing out while having my coffee. She ends up talking to one of the other women working here and I distinctly hear the word "patchouli". I smirk to myself...

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the smell of patchouli. We all dealt with it in the '90s at a college party or some shit hole bar when you were sat trying to crack onto some young one in paisley pants who droned on about the enlightening 11 days that she spent in a kibbutz and pretending that, yeah, no, seriously you liked The Levellers and Kula Shaker.

Anyway...

Some day a few weeks ago I had to go to this new girl's office. I opened the door and the smell of sweat hit me like a shovel to the face. It was fucking brutal. "Oh hi!" she said to me.

"I'm just here to grab paperwork for the...." I can't finish the sentence because I have no air left and I won't breathe in through my nose.

Perhaps it was a one off, I think. But no. It was not. It's vile. I've now refused to have have meetings in that office or go to the break room if she's there in case people think that I'm the smelly one.

It came to a crescendo this morning. I was making coffee when your man and your one arrived at the same time, chatting away. One imagines that the public houses of Charles Dickens' novels had a more fragrant aroma than our break room.

[Pedrito]

Rotten, should be fucked into a ham slicer the pair of them.

[Emphyrio]

Haha fuckin gas.