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Asked chatgpt to write me a Maiden song about poptarts:


"Pastry of the Damned"
(Galloping rhythm, soaring vocals, twin guitar energy)
[Intro]
Rising from the toaster's fire...
Sugared ghosts that never tire...
[Verse 1]
Midnight hunger calls my name,
From the kitchen, flames aflame,
Silver coffin, glowing red,
Feeds the living, wakes the dead.
Plastic wrapper torn away,
Ancient curse in frosting lay,
Strawberry blood, a sacred treat,
Temptation tastes so darkly sweet...
[Pre-Chorus]
Can you feel it burn inside?
Saccharine you cannot hide...
[Chorus]
Pop-Tarts of the damned arise!
From the flames before your eyes!
Toasted fate you can't outrun,
Breakfast battle's just begun!
Bite the crust, embrace the sin,
Feel the sugar crawl within!
Pop-Tarts scream eternally—
Sweetened immortality!
[Verse 2]
Cinnamon whispers through the air,
Frosted secrets laid out bare,
Brown sugar shadows twist and creep,
In every bite, no restful sleep.
Chocolate lava, molten core,
Calling you forevermore,
Two by two they march in line,
Soldiers of the grand design...
[Pre-Chorus]
Hear the crackle, hear the cry,
Golden edges testify...
[Chorus]
Pop-Tarts of the damned arise!
From the flames before your eyes!
Toasted fate you can't outrun,
Breakfast battle's just begun!
Bite the crust, embrace the sin,
Feel the sugar crawl within!
Pop-Tarts scream eternally—
Sweetened immortality!
[Bridge / Solo Section]
(Instrumental: harmonized guitars, blazing solo)
From the pantry to your soul,
They consume, they take control,
No escape from sugary doom,
Sealed within a foil tomb!
[Breakdown]
Do you dare... take a bite?
In the glow... of toaster light...
[Final Chorus]
Pop-Tarts of the damned arise!
Burning bright beneath dark skies!
Morning comes but you won't wake,
Caught within the pastry's wake!
Crumbs of fate fall endlessly,
Chains of glazed insanity!
Pop-Tarts rule eternally—
Masters of your destiny!
[Outro]
Ashes fall... the toaster fades...
Still their hunger never decays...

I think the thread is still in the wayback machine, including contributions from his stalker at the time... HEYYY!!!

Great gig, it must be said. I think it was someone asking him to sign a copy of Cold Lake which really upset him. It's a shame Triptykon aren't more prolific but that's how it goes, it seems. He's playing KIT in a few weeks, doing a Hellhammer and Celtic Frost set, as well as singing a Venom song or two with Mantas and Abaddon. Cannot fucking wait.

How could I access that thread? Its possibly tne funniest thing I ever read on the old forum.

Throw me in with the loving DOD crowd. First Maiden album i bought at the time it came out, so i have a soft spot for it.

Rainmaker, Paschendale, DOD,Montségur, Journeyman are all bangers. Its the last Maiden album I think that in anyway justifies its run time.

Christ, the nu-metal resurgence shows no signs of slowing down. Talk about two absolute also-rans in a scene that wasn't that exactly overburdened with quality in the first place.

Yup - surprised they are not playing the 3 Arena!

Yeah metal wise it's been grim - lot of stuff on but it's either the same stuff or stuff I'm not into. I don't need to see Crowbar or Paradise Lost etc ever again.

Same - Voivod and Midnight is the only thing that is really exciting me so far this year.

Shat Out of Hell

Platoon is one of my favourites, the cast is so good its easy to rewatch. Paths of Glory is the ultimate WW1 film.

Why do some cover bands have support bands?

This 80s metal covers band was in Fibbers on Saturday,  would like to have checked them out but 2 support bands to sit through before they came on about 11. The target demographic would want to be in bed by then!

Yeah looks like a cool spot. Glad it went well. Sad I missed this, but there's only so many hotels I can justify staying in these days.

What were cutthroat like? Intrigued by the whole casette only thing

Thought they were great, sound was shit for them though.

Ride the Shitening.

Maybe someone could persuade Dave to cover The Memory Remains? The song title sums up his attitude to Metallica perfectly.

Mourning Beloveth have a new EP good to go apparently.

The Rolling Stones end of year list name checks Mourning Beloveth, which I thought was pretty cool:

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-lists/best-metal-albums-2025-1235484417/coroner-dissonance-theory-1235484429/

Richard Griffiths steals the show in that film - every line is so quotable 

This has probably been posted already, but jesus...

Been posted a few times but never gets old 

That's where the rot set in. Getting critical darlings to do Bond movies. Yeah the second unit/stunt coordinator may handle all the action, but if you don't have a journeyman director who understands action it just falls flat.

Martin Campbell should have been kept on after Casino but they did the usual "you made us money, fuck off".

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