The Confessions Thread

[Kunt 4 Life]

Had a wank on a bus once.

Was it a school trip?

[Emphyrio]

Nah, hungover journey from Galway to Limerick. Before the motorway was built so I'd plenty of time.

[Kunt 4 Life]

Fair play for admitting this dude.

Give this man a ha-

Ummm, round of applause.

[Emphyrio]

Thought this thread could act as a replacement for the brilliant shenanigans that were revealed on the old forum. Expected more contributions from ye lot 😂

[Carnage]

The Fear thread has probably soaked up a lot of material.

[Giggles]

I used to work in a bar down the road.

On certain nights, I would take a Smithwicks pint glass into the jacks, pull down my cacks and rub my knob all around the inside of it. I'd slap my sweaty sac off the rim of it too.
Sometimes I would piss in it, swish it around and then pour it back out.

I kept it on reserve in a special space for a very special cunt of a customer.

I would serve him his first pint of the evening with the biggest smile on my face (never once got a thank you from him), and when I observed him taking his first few precious tasty gulps, I'd get a warm tingly feeling spiralling around my body.

[Emphyrio]

Now we're talking!

[Giggles]

When I was 9 years old I used to hang out on the roof of our local community center. The place was only ever open a handful of times in any given year, so there was rarely anybody about.

One day we were up there, I needed to shit, so I removed the flue cap from the boiler, shat into it and put the cap back on. I'm not sure what ever became of it. Did somebody have to clean it, or did it just rot away naturally? Possibly nobody knows.

[Giggles]

Not my confession, but a friend of mine used to work in a shop when we were 18. Himself and another staff member were bored one day, so they got a safety pin and poked a couple of holes into some random boxes of condoms.

I remember laughing about it when he told me, but looking back on it now, that's absolutely horriffic.

[Giggles]

Another confession that isn't mine, but marginally less horriffic:

At a big house party when we were 16. Two mates of mine drank a bottle of JD, got twisted and then decided to piss into the bottle, filling it back up between them.

They walked around the party offering it to people, "who wants a shot, who wants a shot"?

They had no shortage of takers. A couple of us had been informed of its actual contents, so we were cringing, watching people that we didn't know drink our mates piss.

One girl was absolutely shteamboats and says "gimmie a shot".

The evilness in my mate begins to mutate. He strikes a pose, looks her dead in her googly eyes and says "I bet ya can't down the rest of the bottle".

She grabs the bottle, and I watch her chug it all down, to rapturous cheering and applause from everybody in the room. Everybody thinks that she is an absolute legend. The two lads who pissed in it are clutching each other in the corner crying evil tears of narcissistic joy.

About 7:30am, a few of us are still awake but just barely. We have sobered up and we're talking about how legendary of a houseparty it was.

Our heroine of the night chimes in "I can't believe I didn't pass out after drinking almost an entire bottle of JD".

I meet the eyes of another mate of mine, who knew the real story. We nodded in mutual agreement and decided to break the news to her.

She took it incredibly well, in fairness.

[Carnage]

Not my confession, but a friend of mine used to work in a shop when we were 18. Himself and another staff member were bored one day, so they got a safety pin and poked a couple of holes into some random boxes of condoms.

I remember laughing about it when he told me, but looking back on it now, that's absolutely horriffic.

A teacher we had in secondary school told us of a summer job he had as a student, working in a postal sorting office. The directive from on high was that they were to stick pins through every letter coming in from the UK in case they had condoms inside. He was proud of it too, the collossal prick, makes sense that religion was his subject. He was also incompetent, so he probably pricked himself more than any johnnies.

[astfgyl]

I used to work in a bar down the road.

On certain nights, I would take a Smithwicks pint glass into the jacks, pull down my cacks and rub my knob all around the inside of it. I'd slap my sweaty sac off the rim of it too.
Sometimes I would piss in it, swish it around and then pour it back out.

I kept it on reserve in a special space for a very special cunt of a customer.

I would serve him his first pint of the evening with the biggest smile on my face (never once got a thank you from him), and when I observed him taking his first few precious tasty gulps, I'd get a warm tingly feeling spiralling around my body.

Not quite as good as that, but I used to work in a chipper and one night I encountered a particularly cunting sort of cunt and I put a lovely big snot in his burger and watched him eat it. It was poetry in motion.

Often done lads with a glass/can/mug of piss as a young fella as well. One lad asked me to get him a glass of Miwadi and I diluted it with piss and he drank it all and asked for another.

Used to regularly give lads a bucket of tobacco instead of hash back in my bucket smoking days. Most of them puked after 2 minutes, but one lad said that no bucket could do him in, so he got 3 buckets of tobacco in a row before he crumbled.

[Caomhaoin]

A buddy of mine used to fart into his empty cup of tea and run over to lads and shove it right into their faces.

I was pissed off with the auld lad when I was a chap of about 12 so I broke a mandarin orange in half and stuck both sides into the toes of his work boots and watched with glee at his incomprending face as he heard and felt the squelch.

A student of mine told me that she was thick with her grandmother so when she fell asleep in the armchair she carefully removed the auld birds glasses and danced all over them, smashing them into pieces 🥰

[Cosmic_Equilibrium]

I'm actually posting from outer suburban London and am not from Ireland at all. But I post here because there are so few music message boards in regular use these days and I have to take whatever interesting discussion is available.

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

I'm actually posting from outer suburban London and am not from Ireland at all. But I post here because there are so few music message boards in regular use these days and I have to take whatever interesting discussion is available.

Well done lads, we've flushed out the Brit mole. We knew it would take the most shameful anecdotes we could muster to get him to let his guard down enough to fess up, and ye didn't disappoint. Thread can be closed now, good work