Mad shit your kids come out with

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

"Is Mbappé a real person?"
"Of course he is, sure you've seen him playing football. Why do you ask? Did one of your friends tell you he's not real?"
"No, but we never see him when we're out walking."

[Maggot Colony]

My wife: "I love you, baba."

My son: "You have big head, Mammy."

[Circlepit]

My father died towards the end of the last lockdown. As a result like many others the funeral was weird.
Anyway my daughter was 4 just turning 5 at the time.
Before we went to the funeral home my brother was sorting out belongings that had been collected from the hospital.
My daughter said " that's the last we'll bee seeing of him" That was in relation to my father not my brother.

The casket was open at the funeral home ( it wasn't a Covid related death) more for my nowhere to see him as she couldn't see him in hospital.
My daughter marched up, had a look and went down to my mother and said " don't worry granny , at least he wasn't squashed by a bus so he's not all flat"
Myself and my older brother exploded with laughter.

[open face surgery]

  

[astfgyl]

 

Had similar myself years ago with the old man laid out in the funeral home and the young lad gives me a look like something was bugging him.

What's up lad are you okay?

Yeah.... is this heaven??!

[open face surgery]

My niece rather than daughter but coming down Croagh Patrick a few years ago, I think she was 9, we met people having a rest before the top to which she quips "if you're lost, go up!".

[astfgyl]

I have two ten year old young lads and they'd recently gotten into swearing and I really didn't like it so I thought that rather than give out to them that I'd teach them to say Good Lord instead of fuck and shit and piss (cufk tish sips). Of course I've never believed in the whole do as I say not as I do thing so now they have me saying Good Lord going around and they're at it too in their filthy tracksuits and it's actually hilarious tbf and what craic it is the three of us eejits going around all Good Lord but it's better than making scobes out of ourselves and I think I'm going to try to be a lad who doesn't swear for emphasis as a result

[Thorn]

Haha, I do this regularly, Good Gracious or Dear Me are worth a go too.

[Eoin McLove]

Heavens above!

[Pat Twisted Wrath]

5 year old yesterday pointed at my toe and said "is that your toenail?". I said "yes".

He says earnestly, "very impressive".

[Eoin McLove]