Mad shit your kids come out with

[Eoin McLove]

Consider this thread School Around the Corner for MW...

Inspired by a inspired piece of nonsense my 5 year old came out with earlier today. He asks a million questions every day- what if mice were extinct? What's your favorite dinosaur? What's a million plus a thousand plus five? Etc...- and in the midst of one of these volleys he said,  imagine if wigs were fireproof  apropos of absolutely nothing. There's only one answer in these cases... EXACTLY!

What nutty shit have your kids come out with that have made you really scratch your head?

[ochoill]

I was actually going to post one in the random thoughts thread yesterday evening 

Putting my 3yo daughter to bed last night, she wasn't settling, playing and chatting away.  She had been learning about feelings in playschool recently and was just reciting it back to me, going "grrr.  Dad I'm angry." "Oh! Dad I'm surprised!" and the like. Then she just says "Feelings make me sick" and rolls over to go to sleep.

[Eoin McLove]

  it's amazing. All the madness is learning on some level. It's so entertaining.

[Pentagrimes]

There's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"

[StoutAndAle]

I don't have kids but I do have a nephew who is now monosyllabic teenager but used to come out with some amazing shit. Witness;

I took him for lunch one day. My brother had been showing him old TMNT cartoons and the lad became fascinated by pizza so we were in an Italian restaurant.

I had ordered pasta for myself, pizza for him.

"And to drink?" the waiter asked.

"Just water for me and eh..." looking over at my nephew who was happily singing the word pizza repeatedly to himself "eh... do you want a Coke or something?"

"Yes please!"

"A Coke?"

"Yes please!"

A lovely lunch was had and I brought him back to his mother in the same condition that he'd left her care.

"Did you have a nice time with uncle Stout?"

"YEAH!" he bellowed.

"What did you have?"

"Pizza... and a big glass of Coke!"

My sister turned to me "He's not allowed to have Coca-Cola or anything else like it. He knows he's not allowed to have it! Look at him!"

I look down and he's whirling like a mini Hunter S. Thompson.

"Wait. Wait. He ASKED me for a Coke!" I protested.

The young lad snapped straight out of it.

"No I didn't. You asked me if I wanted a Coke, I didn't ever ask for it."

Like a 5-year old Rumpole Of The Bailey.

[StoutAndAle]

There's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"

  Fucking hell!

[The Great Cull]

Teacher, "Can anyone tell me who would live in a monastery?"

My young fella, "Ninjas"

[Pentagrimes]

There's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"

  Fucking hell!

my daughter is now 20 years old and is still of this opinion.

[StoutAndAle]

my daughter is now 20 years old and is still of this opinion.

She should have come down to Cork last weekend for the Jazz Festival then.

There's never any jazz on at it.

Aslan - yes / Jazz - no.

[Mooncat]

There's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"

This one got a genuine lol out of me. Priceless.

[Pentagrimes]

my daughter is now 20 years old and is still of this opinion.

She should have come down to Cork last weekend for the Jazz Festival then.

There's never any jazz on at it.

Aslan - yes / Jazz - no.

She hates Cork too.

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

I still have a video of my lad when he was around two and a half bursting into distraught tears at Sting's Fields of Barley playing on the radio, begging me to switch it to something else. Only time anything like it's ever happened   

[astfgyl]

I still have a video of my lad when he was around two and a half bursting into distraught tears at Sting's Fields of Barley playing on the radio, begging me to switch it to something else. Only time anything like it's ever happened   

When I was a young fella I shared a room with two brothers and we used to listen to cassettes every night. One of them had 3 songs from Vulgar Display Of Power on it and every time meself and the older fella used to throw that on, the youngest lad would start crying, terrified of it and I mean begging for it to stop as soon as it started. So we did the decent thing and fuckin tortured him night after night it.

I don't think he's been right since but he tried to face his fears by giving the rest of his life both listening to and playing the heaviest metal he could find. 

Funnily enough, he had no bother with either Fucking Hostile or Rise.

Aye, bit of a tangent but it reminded me of that precious memory straight away reading your post

[Maggot Colony]

We potty-trained our young lad recently, and he now asks everyone we meet if they have a penis regardless of gender. He phrases it like he's foreign too which makes it even funnier: "You have penis?". When my wife told him she doesn't have a penis, he replied, "Yes. You have penis". 

My wife doesn't have a penis btw...not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Jward]