Metal Warfare - Irish Metal Forum

Jokes

Started by livingabortion, May 12, 2019, 10:41:06 AM

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#75 April 16, 2021, 05:10:25 PM
#76 April 18, 2021, 04:44:44 PM Last Edit: April 18, 2021, 04:48:13 PM by Kurt Cocaine
 ::)

#77 April 22, 2021, 10:38:12 PM
An old one, many will have heard it but it popped into my head..

Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre..
.. so the barman gives her one.
#78 June 15, 2021, 07:10:27 PM
What's small blue and parents scream at the sight of it?

Cot Death.
Deep Down Six Feet, Is Where I Like To Eat
#79 June 21, 2021, 03:01:49 AM
A guy goes to confessions and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been 6 weeks since my last confession. I had lustful thoughts about a women in work"
The Priest says, "Say three hour Fathers and two hail Mary's"

A woman goes in and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been 4 months since my last confession. I has sex with my boss"
Say 4 Hail Mary's and 2 Our Father's".

So the next guy goes and in and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned, it's been 4 weeks since my last confession. I got a blowjob off my neighbour wife"
The Priest thinks a moment and then sticks his head out of the box and shouts out to an Altar Boy, "What does Fr. Murphy for a blowjob?"? and the Altar Boy says, " Two Mars Bars and a packets of crisp".
Deep Down Six Feet, Is Where I Like To Eat
#80 August 20, 2021, 10:18:12 PM
When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

"Do not touch" must be the scariest thing to read in braille.
#81 August 20, 2021, 10:56:23 PM
In honor of the Paralympics

What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics?

Being able to walk.
#82 March 07, 2023, 10:06:14 PM
What gender did Michael Jackson identify as?

He/he
#83 March 08, 2023, 12:02:56 AM
Quote from: The Butcher on August 20, 2021, 10:18:12 PM"Do not touch" must be the scariest thing to read in braille.

Lol it must
#84 March 08, 2023, 10:23:02 AM
Quote from: Giggles on March 07, 2023, 10:06:14 PMWhat gender did Michael Jackson identify as?

He/he

Definitely robbing that  :laugh:
#85 March 08, 2023, 01:33:52 PM
Quote from: Eoin McLove on March 08, 2023, 10:23:02 AM
Quote from: Giggles on March 07, 2023, 10:06:14 PMWhat gender did Michael Jackson identify as?

He/he

Definitely robbing that  :laugh:

I already robbed it for the lunch canteen.
#86 March 08, 2023, 02:01:23 PM
Quote from: Ollkiller on March 08, 2023, 01:33:52 PM
Quote from: Eoin McLove on March 08, 2023, 10:23:02 AM
Quote from: Giggles on March 07, 2023, 10:06:14 PMWhat gender did Michael Jackson identify as?

He/he

Definitely robbing that  :laugh:

I already robbed it for the lunch canteen.

Told it to 3 people at work today and they all guessed it. Fuck sake
#87 June 03, 2023, 03:43:24 AM
If you chop a horse in half and clap the two sides together, it sounds like someone riding a coconut.
#88 October 06, 2023, 10:29:13 AM
I wonder if the Arachnophobia Helpline have a web site....
#89 October 06, 2023, 11:43:30 AM
Quote from: The Butcher on October 06, 2023, 10:29:13 AMI wonder if the Arachnophobia Helpline have a web site....

 :laugh:  :laugh:  :abbath:
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