Pet Peeves

[The Heretic]

Talking about TV I'd rather watch zero TV than be stuck with all those freeview channels and their ads. I guess that's the trade off but as a viewing experience its completely pointless. Take Columbo...those episodes are 60-70 minutes long however on the free channels each episode lasts 90-100 minutes so that's 30+- minutes of ads that you have to sit through per episode...fuck that...plus the all seem to schedule their ads at the same time so you can't channel hop...fuck that as well....

[101_North]

We have our house on the market at the minute and I'm getting fucked off with folks bull shitting about their intetest in it. "We love it! We're putting an offer in as soon as we leave" etc. etc. etc. I don't understand it. I appreciate the house may not appeal to you - I had no illusions or expectations when we put it on the market - but just say thank you and walk away if it's not for you! No need to hang around telling me how much you want to buy it. Drives me fucking nuts 

[Caomhaoin]

Assertiveness is a rare trait these days. Most people would rather keep everything nice and cordial than be honest.

[Ducky]

Yeah I had a friend that couldn't say "no" to anything (not like that, behave!). Wanna get tea on Thursday? Sure, great... except she's already triple booked for Thursday and can't possibly make more than one event.

She used to think people would be disappointed if she said no. She couldn't grasp that we live in the real world and if you already have something on - something super important or utterly trivial - that's fine - but saying yes to everything and then having almost no follow through was in fact much worse.

A lot of people stopped bothering with her because no one likes being consistently let down. If she understood how boundaries worked and had even a modicum of assertiveness, this wouldn't have happened her.

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

Assertiveness is a rare trait these days. Most people would rather keep everything nice and cordial than be honest.

So glad I don't suffer from this affliction 

[StoutAndAle]

I spent the first 35 years of my life agreeing to things I didn't want to do, going places I didn't want to go, listening to people who bored me to tears. Making plans with people just so I didn't have to feel like I disappointed them in person, then turning around and cancelling by text or going whilst wanting to go home from the minute I arrived. Being a flake really. People began saying things like "You can just say no if you want to." knowing that it would be 50/50 that'd I'd turn up. This lead to me feeling even shittier and hating myself for it.

Two or three years ago during a particular period of feeling down, I began analysing the things that were making me unhappy and discovered that I needed to become more proactive and say what was on my mind. Now I only say yes to things I want to do/go to, I politely avoid protracted conversations with people that I have no interest in talking to and firmly turn down things that I definitely don't want to do - unless it's a favour that they're asking, I'll always turn up to help someone out, even if it's some utterly shit job (like helping a lad move house last Christmas week). It has certainly made a difference to me and my mental health.

Now though it has thrown up a new problem amongst some people in my social circle because, after I say "No, I won't be there" or "No, I won't be doing that" they tend to get upset.

[Circlepit]

I spent the first 35 years of my life agreeing to things I didn't want to do, going places I didn't want to go, listening to people who bored me to tears. Making plans with people just so I didn't have to feel like I disappointed them in person, then turning around and cancelling by text or going whilst wanting to go home from the minute I arrived. Being a flake really. People began saying things like "You can just say no if you want to." knowing that it would be 50/50 that'd I'd turn up. This lead to me feeling even shittier and hating myself for it.

Two or three years ago during a particular period of feeling down, I began analysing the things that were making me unhappy and discovered that I needed to become more proactive and say what was on my mind. Now I only say yes to things I want to do/go to, I politely avoid protracted conversations with people that I have no interest in talking to and firmly turn down things that I definitely don't want to do - unless it's a favour that they're asking, I'll always turn up to help someone out, even if it's some utterly shit job (like helping a lad move house last Christmas week). It has certainly made a difference to me and my mental health.

Now though it has thrown up a new problem amongst some people in my social circle because, after I say "No, I won't be there" or "No, I won't be doing that" they tend to get upset.

To you sir I say bravo. Declining politely should be applauded not frowned upon. Surely being honest and pleasant about a situation should make all involved feel at ease.
I fully understand where you are coming from. Being invited out for drinks with work colleagues whom I despise to the point of feeling light headed is always a land mine situation. I’m quite polite but firm in my refusal. I don’t say anything rude or make up an excuse. Plain and simple id rather not but thank you for asking. At the end of the day that should suffice.
Does it though... does it fuck. I still manage to stay the course and not unleash a tirade of insults. I find that approach is only satisfying for a brief period and which knows what the victim of said torrent had going on in their private lives.
I do like to imagine many of my colleagues falling over carrying a bucket of shite which keeps me in giggle town.

[Ducky]

It all boils down to personal boundaries, and the more transparent you are with your own, the more people will know where they lie and the more realistic expectations they will have for you and your responses.

Saying no to something may have that initial pang of disappointment or whatever for the other person, but now they know you're not coming, their expectations are set, there's no chance of them being far more disappointed on the day if you flake, etc.

Maybe I do it to a fault, but I've done stuff like not go to weddings because I may not like where the venue is or in one case I thought the groom was a cunt, and I straight up let the bride know why I wasn't going when she pushed me for a reason. She was offended but I'll be fucked if I'm spending my day whooping and clapping for her marrying an asshole. Other friends still attended the wedding, even though they felt the same as I did and had a shit day (as his family and friends are largely cunts too).

Fuck that.

[Pedrito]

I think us Irish are particularly poor with it. I don't know if it's from having to be sneaky with the English(from whom we inherited this warped approach) all those years but we seem to feel the need to be constantly polite, saying 'thanks'(not so bad) and the awful, awful 'sorry' for everything. And yet when we're off the hook and boozing we're the complete opposite.

A very Jeckyl and Hyde way of going on and it goes hand in hand with huge levels of touchiness about the smallest of issues. Being in bars where a barman gets upset if you don't approach him in the correct manner, bus drivers not liking the way you put the money down etc etc etc. And how do I know this..well I did act, and, much to my annoyance, still can act like this every so often.

I think it has a lot to do with not being able to express emotions correctly. Now we don't want to become America, though I don't think they're too healthy with it either. But the ability to say yes and no and 'I don't really want to' seems to be a really difficult thing for us to 1. Say, 2. Be accepted for saying it.

Am I way off the mark here?

[Caomhaoin]

Jaysus that hyper-exaggerated 'oh sorry, I'm so sorry about that '! for bumping into someone in the supermarket or whatever, cringe!

[Pedrito]

Maybe I do it to a fault, but I've done stuff like not go to weddings because I may not like where the venue is or in one case I thought the groom was a cunt, and I straight up let the bride know why I wasn't going when she pushed me for a reason. She was offended but I'll be fucked if I'm spending my day whooping and clapping for her marrying an asshole. Other friends still attended the wedding, even though they felt the same as I did and had a shit day (as his family and friends are largely cunts too).

Fuck that.

I've always tended towards this way of thinking. I think you're bang on the button and yet I find a lot of people will swallow anything just to keep up appearances. In recent years I've just become far more concrete in this way of thinking. Life is far too short and I won't spend my time around people that are going to create friction, and that includes people I have regarded, and still in many ways regard as close friends. Also, to the person above talking about the office, I think the mistake we make is becoming too pally at the start in a new job. Then years later when you're trying to remove yourself.from that it's almost too late. If you went into a new job and stayed constant from the begining, friendly but distant, I think people wouldn't even bat an eyelid. Offices can be fucking horror shows though.

[Yung Led Zeppelin]

A year living in Germany cured me of that shit, I think. They've a bit of a reputation for being rude, I found them by and large to be anything but.

[Pedrito]

Yep. The Spanish are similar. You go into a bar and you have to speak up or you don't get served. You spend 10 mins standing like a twat doing the polite thing a few times and you start to learn to be direct. Polite but direct. I want this and that and thanks. No kowtowwing, I'm sorry I exist shite. I reckon it must come from the class system all that 'sorry to disturb you m'lord' stuff. Cat.

[Black Shepherd Carnage]

Cerveza o plomo, coño!

[Kurt Cocaine]

Cerveza o plomo, coño!

Jajajajajajaja 
You're more likely to get the beer served on you head with that one...