Return of THE FEAR!

[StoutAndAle]

One from a few weeks ago. Mate had a house warming. Got there around 8 o'clock. Parked the car a few door down and left some hang sandwiches and a sleeping bag and pillow in the car in case I needed to pass out.

Launched in to the gargle and the jazz woodbines. Great ould crack in the gaff. Was all going well until I blacked out around half 2. Next thing I remember is coming back into the gaff at half 6 in the morning and 2 lads still up so launched into it again. About half 8 I noticed I couldn't find my keys or phone or wallet. Went out to the car and the back door was wide open, hang sandwiches all over the place and pillow out where I had a lie down. Lovely bit of puke in the foot well to boot. Wallet keys and phone in the back seat thankfully. Went back I got he gaff not knowing what happened and fell week at 10. Woke up at 2 and drove home even though I was fucked. Crawled onto the couch and woke at half 6 and it all came back to me.

Had gone to the car, made an attempt at the hang sandwiches and feel asleep and can remember puke gurgling out of me onto the foot well. When I woke around half 6 I went up to the door of what I thought was my mates gaff but his gaff was a few doors down. Some buck in a sleeping robe is roaring laughing at me going "this isn't your fucking gaff mate". The fear i had for 2 days afterwards was unfathomable. Good times.

Mother of jaysis! 

[ochoill]

A quick look at the way back machine produced a copy of the old thread:
https://web.archive.org/web/20170728023550/http://www.metalireland.com/community/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=59146
Should be able to skim a few pages from either end of it but without further hunting the middle is probably gone.  If anyone had the patience they could trawl the archive from 2013 on and collect each page that way but I certainly don't.  Maybe it might be worth it to salvage some of the better tales.

[Emphyrio]

Fair play to you

[Juggz]

Class. I would love to get the Pagan Riot thread back too. It always cracked me up.

[StoutAndAle]

I had beers at home on Saturday. While I was listening to a few tunes late into the evening I ended up pulling out "Seventeen Seconds" by The Cure. I was never a big Cure fan (I'm still not a massive fan) until a lad that I worked with, whom I shall call The Broz, gave me a copy of this record when I was about 19. The Broz was a few years older than me and was blessed with that knack that George in Seinfeld describes Kramer as having;

"His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week: do nothing, fall ass backwards into money, mooch food off his neighbours, and have sex without dating."

Anyway. This lad decided over a decade ago to live life to the fullest. He currently lives in Portugal. I shot him a text asking how he was. And got back;

"Not bad at all, boy. Hope ye're grand. You'll have to come and see me when this is all over."

All of a sudden The Fear came over me. I flashed back to an incident over 15 years ago when he was living in Germany. The morto-sweat actually appeared on my brow. The missus looked up from her magazine and asked if i was alright cos I looked intense.

Let's go to 2005.

Me and another buddy, JB, went to stay with him for a week when he was living in Germany about 15 years ago. I was single and carefree at the time. Out the first night in Hamburg and on the absolute fucking slaughter - cheap booze, cigarettes and mighty craic. Woke up the next day - DYING. A hangover that I got in my mid-twenties would kill me stone dead now.

Crawled out of the bed, mouth as ragged as sandpaper - arse knowing it would be the same as soon as I found a toilet bowl. The Broz was sitting at the counter in his kitchen smoking a rollie – looking every bit as louche and unfazed as he had the night before.

"Everything alright" he asked.

"Urggggggh" I gurgled.

"Going out with a few people I work with tonight about six-ish. Straight from work. I've told them that JB and yourself will be around"

"Urrrrrrrrrggggghhh-hummmmm. Where's JB?"

The Broz nods in the direction of the couch where there's a human shape facing into the sofa.

"Didn't make it to the bed"

A few hours later and I'm right as rain – your 20s, lads... bulletproof.

At around 1800hrs I am making my way through St. Pauli. Feeling great. JB on the other hand has told me that in no uncertain terms he will need another hour. I gave him the name of the pub and skip off.

Into the bar and I start to look around. Can't spot The Broz so I get a beer and mooch about. It's full of some of the best looking people you will ever see. I hear someone call my name and there he is, surrounded by a rake of German young ones and young fellas at a huge table. All of them are chatting and in great form. The Broz is throwing the charm at one of them, hard. It's not long before he's throwing himself at her too. Wearing the faces off of each other. I can speak German so I start trying to chat to one of the girls. It's going alright (not as well as across the table) and I suddenly think I might have a chance. More alcohol is needed.

"Does everyone want a beer?" I ask. I get vague side looks and mumbles.

A lad walks past and I order a lash of sauce in my best German.

He replies with "Great! But I'm not a fucking waiter."

Turns out there's no table service in this gaff so I have to get off my ass and get the booze. I am absolutely bursting for a piss but I've been otherwise occupied til just now. So I make a run to the bog and hit the bar on the way back.

I find my way back to the table navigating through a very busy bar with a tray of 10 or 12 bottles of Astra. The Broz has disappeared with your wan. I knew he'd do it.

"Move up" says I to the girl at the end of the table.

She looks at me blankly.

I nod the head.

"We don't know you!" she says as I start handing out the booze.

"After I buying us all this drink?!" roars I.

Suddenly The Fear has returned and all my bravado is gone. The self-pity is UNREAL, lads. I'm a nice guy, trying to do a nice thing for people that I don't even know. My carnal desires notwithstanding obviously. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and feel one boiling hot droplet course down my cheek. The Fear is now in a WWF Tag Team with Righteous Indignation.

I snap the bottles of beer that I can reach back out of their hands, wipe my nose and pick up the tray of booze and decide that I will find a corner and drink these while smoking my fags. "Fuck ye" I growl as I walk away. This would be more menacing if I wasn't now bawling my eyes out.

I'm giving it the oul "tut mir leid" as I try to get past people to get out to the patio area. I can feel the stares. Just then I hear a voice, a Cork accent.

"You found us so, langer?" says a refreshed looking JB who helps himself to a beer.

I look up through tears and snot - the whole table including The Broz is staring back at me. It is then that I have an out of body experience and find myself wanting to crawl under a blanket because I know that 30 feet from where I am there's a table of confused Germans after getting abused by a blubbering fool.


Shoot back to present day and the wife has asked if I want a beer from the kitchen while she's making tea.

"No... I'm fine thanks."

"Are you sure that you're alright, you look a bit stressed."

[Emphyrio]

😂 fuckin A1

[Juggz]

 

[Cosmic_Equilibrium]

I've had viciously nasty hangovers aplenty, but not sure about the fear.

Although after the time I invented and consumed a cocktail called Cheap Death I was not in a good state for about 2 days.

[Carnage]

Ingredients?

[Cosmic_Equilibrium]

Might as well tell the whole story.....

Cheap Death was a drink I made in my first year at university as follows:

1) Get a pint glass.
2) Put four shots of cheap vodka in the bottom of it.
3) Fill to the top with White Lightning cider.

I made the drink in a friend's room on campus. I had two pints of it, then maybe a third with six shots, memories are hazy at this point as I blacked out.

I awoke the next day with the worst hangover I have ever experienced.

I could not work out why there was such a strong smell of vomit in my room.

I then checked under my discarded clothes on the floor and noticed a spray of sick all over the carpet. I immediately started dry heaving in the basin.

I then went into the kitchen and was met with some concerned enquiries as to whether I was alright. I asked what had happened. Apparently I had come back to my block drunk and violently abusive. I could be heard screaming apocalyptic obscenities up the stairs as everyone on the corridor locked their doors. The two biggest guys on the corridor manhandled me into my room while I tried to start a fight with them. I worked out that I must have passed out face down on the floor, been sick, then woke up briefly and got into bed. I noticed that I had dried sick in my hair.

After this, I went into my room and had some water. It came up within the next twenty minutes because I felt so awful. The smell of sick never quite left the room even after it had been hoovered and scrubbed out of the carpet, and the hangover didn't clear until halfway through the following day,

[Carnage]

Yeah, I'll give that one a miss.

Similar mixture: I was on a school tour around Europe when I was 15ish. Did the duty free thing on the way home went all out on a bottle of Paddy. A bunch of us had a piss up in a youth club that we were running at the time, I was mixing it with white lemonade, in between cans of Harp. When I ran out of lemonade, I couldn't drink it straight so decided mixing it with Harp was a good idea.

It was not.

[scene missing]

The next thing I remember is a couple of the other lads taking the toilet door off the hinges 'cos I'd been in there so long they thought I'd either done a Mama Cass or jumped out the window (it was 3 or 4 floors up), when I was just asleep. With a ring of vomit around me and all over the walls etc. To my credit, not a drop on myself.

[StoutAndAle]

 

Keep them coming, lads.

Make The Fear Great Again.

[Kurt Cocaine]

Hear, hear for the fear..... Hahahaha...

[Ollkiller]

Big vat or bucket
2 bottles of buckfast
1 litre of vodka
4 cans of cider
2 cans red bull

Tastes lovely actually and good times await 🤣

[kiehozero]

Big vat or bucket
2 bottles of buckfast
1 litre of vodka
4 cans of cider
2 cans red bull

Tastes lovely actually and good times await 🤣

Ah christ I remember a bucket challenge years ago, fucked loads of rum and orange juice in as well as some cider, all sorts of rubbish. Bet my mate a tenner he wouldn't drink from the sick bucket, probably the best-earned tenner I've ever seen.