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i cant blame him for wanting to punish me tbh lol

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Take it from me, if you stick a daffodil petal to a car with gin and tonic vomit and leave it overnight, that fucker is cuntishly hard to get off the next morning.

when i was 16 i spewed all over the inside of me aul lads car when he was picking me up from a gig, trying to clean up the crusted remains of a chicken burger and cans of cider the next day was brutal lol

Never leave the puke till the next day. A million times harder to got rid of it. And mixed with cider, the perfect concoction.

i wasnt physically able to clean it that night and i suspect my dad wanted to punish me by making it as hard to clean as possible, which is fair enough i suppose

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Take it from me, if you stick a daffodil petal to a car with gin and tonic vomit and leave it overnight, that fucker is cuntishly hard to get off the next morning.

when i was 16 i spewed all over the inside of me aul lads car when he was picking me up from a gig, trying to clean up the crusted remains of a chicken burger and cans of cider the next day was brutal lol

after speaking to a friend the other day it reminded me of something that used to drive me insane.

having been on both sides of the deli counter, what is it with them? the customers are always cunts and the staff are always braindead knuckle draggers. its not hard to make a chicken fillet role and its not ok to flip the lid because the role isnt cut into perfect 3rds ye prick. worst story about this was one cunt who used to work in a deli near me. every time ye would que up your would say a little prayer ye would be dealing with him. he would get everything wrong. every single thing. i once asked him for a chicken fillet role with spicy chicken, cheese and taco sauce, what i got was a toasted wrap with tuna salad, peppers, no cheese and soaked in ketchup. then the fuckin prick would get stroppy when ye complained lol 

new story fresh from the fear zone.

was out there on Wednesday there with  two of me mates, id just moved into a new gaff that day and one of the lads only moved into his new place the week before, which turns out is about an hours walk through the phoenix park from my new place. decided we would have a few drinks that rapidly turned into a fuckin billion. we parted ways about 4 am and i set off on what should have been an hours walk home. it took me 3 hours and i have little to no recollection of that time. the real problem is that, at some point along this journey, i decided to message practically every woman i have added on Facebook the most vile, inhuman drunk horny talk imaginable. i still cant face looking at the messages to see the responses.

i think im going to buy a 20 quid blockia for going on the sauce so i dont have access to the internet while pissed ever again lol.

ive a similar story meself actually.

I think they all need to hear about the sacking of Blanchardstown Maccers from the other week next.

too much incriminating behavior in that one for public consumption tbh lol

anyone here into hoi4 or stellaris?

A security guard helps me to my feet as he asks am I OK. The shop that was fairly empty suddenly has the busiest history section in the world. People are staring. I just nod silently. He asks am I sure. I am bursting for a piss. I murmur "Is there a toilet". He hands the books that I have in my hands off to a shop assistant. "Sarah will have your eh..." looks down "books about Hitler at the till."

ive a similar story meself actually.
when i was like 17 or so one of me mates worked in a small bookshop in town. i went in one weekend, had a rake of cans and bought some book about the SS in his shop while chatting to him. i went home on the bus but since i didnt want me parents to see that i was rat arsed drunk i decided i would sit in a park around the corner from my gaff for a few hours, read the book and sober up a bit. i fuckin fell asleep and woke up to paramedics surrounding me with the book on display, cover and all for the world to see lol someone had seen me blackout out on the bench and called an ambulance. nothing wrong with me just sleepy lol. lucky being 17 i could refuse to be taken to the hospital and the folks where none the wiser.

another quick one while im on break


back in 2014 when me and me mates where on a constant 3 month bender over the summer, we had a sesh spot in a park we always drank at. one day i couldnt contact anyone for some unknown reason. after deciding that staying sober that day was a fate worse than death i decided to hit the offo and just head down the sesh spot by meself. crossing the field i see my mate who also couldnt contact anyone and decided on the same course of action as meself. after 3 more people in the same situation turned up who came to the conclusion that all drunks share a hive mind.

was re reading this tread in work yesterday and decided to have another go at keeping it alive.


a quick one first,
i came back from a 10 day bender in czech from brutal assault. was in an ungodly state after the festival and another few days boozing in prague didnt help things. so on the last night after nursing a few cans during the day i decided to take a quick hour or so nap in me hotel then head back out to a bar. while trying to have this nap i had the most intense and horrific fever dream i have ever experienced. due to overhearing in my semi conscious state, the Chinese couple  having a domestic in the next room over, i had imagined that i was in a north Korean prison camp being tortured for information. needless to say i woke up screaming and covered in terror sweat. the night passed uneventfully and the next day feeling like hammered shite i boarded my plane home.  spewed me guts up 3 times on the flight and eventually shaking and well within the fears grip i made it home. i crawled into bed, got nice and comfy and then sneezed. the force of the sneeze completely overwhelmed my shattered body and i shit myself. seriously considered throwing meself out the window after that one.

FIN.

Was the strangest experience ever, could have sworn I was back in the pub, the fear I had the next day was unreal lol

another quick one that i just remembered.

i came home from the pub absolutely polluted  and went to bed, at some point in the night i got up in the to go for a piss and i was full on hallucinating that i was in the pub toilets.  so i pissed all over the the radiator in my room thinking it was the urinal lol

The classic brain slip thinking your somewhere else, we call it bleepblurging. Usual the result of illicit substances tho.

One of the better examples of it happened after a work night out. For context the job was call centre and for every sale you completed you got a 7£ bonus.

Me my manager and another lad left the party early to come back to my gaff to do our own partying as my mate had got some MD of the dark web that they wanted to try. Everything was going well, getting weird, shit talking and manager lifts out his wallet and starts counting out £ coins, he then hands said coins to my housemate who didn't work with us. My mates like what are you doing? My manager looks him dead in the eye and told him it was for booking that sale on for Monday. As soon as he said it he came back round and realised what he'd been saying. The same night the other lad went on a 20 minute rant directed at the manager of the company because he thought he was chatting to her, when he was actually lying with his eyes closed monged out on my sofa.


Plenty of other great examples but too dying to recall them right now.

common enough then is it? not sure if i had taken anything but id say i didnt cos the lad i was with wouldn't stand for it really.

 I'm Determined to keep this thread going even if I have to do it single handedly.

Another quick one

Me and a mate went on the piss in town, I think we ended up in the foggy one of the nights scobes was djing, got absolutely twisted and got chatting to these two birds. The two of them were well up for it or so it seemed, bought them loads of drinks, chatting them up for ages , then the two of them get up, say to us, we both have fellas yiz clowns and leave the bar. Lol

After this we land back in me mates gaff and I pass out on the couch, me mate gets up in the morning (well more like 3 in the day but sure look)  to get a pint of water and goes to check on me. I'm still asleep at this point so I don't remember, but he tells me he came into the room, said "you awake man?" And I responded "ehhh 2 pints of Guinness, a shot of jemmy and a pack of salt and vinegar please chief". In my head I must have thought I was still in the pub lol ( I also have a vague  memory of looking for the jaxs and wandering into his housemates room, leading to a serious dose of the fear wondering if I'd shat in the poor lads bed or something ) needless to say the head was sore that day

 a quick one this time.

not one of my stories but one from one of my mates.

for me and me mate summer 2014 was utterly demented. i was given a good chunk of money by my grandad after my leaving cert and my mate had gotten settled into his room in a gaff after his ma kicked him out.  understandably he wasnt in the best state of mind so the two of us started drinking alot. pretty much every day for the whole of the 3 months of summer. about a month or so in we went to another mates gaff near to town. a good litre of whiskey was drank between the 3 of us before we left the gaff with a tactical naggin or two stuffed in our jackets for our mate who was understandably short on cash.  the night goes as expected and after getting the boot from the pub we continued splattering ourselves in me mates gaff. the next day while me and the mate whos gaff it was where still asleep, me mate got up, realised he had to be somewhere (i cant remember what he had to do)  and started making his way home. to get home he had to walk into town and get the bus back to blanch. this is where the story gets good.

about half way into town, a combination of the hot sun and the hangover has me mate sweating  buckets. so he takes his shirt off. so now he is stumbling down the street, no shirt on, pumping sweat and reeking of aldi whiskey, moaning to himself. he gets another bit into town and realises he needs to have a piss. he nips down an ally, does the job and walks on. at this point he notices people staring at him in disgust.  understandable he  thinks, i do look a sight. he keeps walking and realises people are REALLY giving him the evil eye. he ignores this and walk on, eventually he reaches the bus , gets on and sits down............to realise that  his flute has been sticking out his fly since he took the piss in the ally as in his hungover state hadnt fixed himself properly afterwards.

he only told me about this about 2 years later when he was finally able to say it without turning bright red. lol