Consider this thread School Around the Corner for MW...
Inspired by a inspired piece of nonsense my 5 year old came out with earlier today. He asks a million questions every day- what if mice were extinct? What's your favorite dinosaur? What's a million plus a thousand plus five? Etc...- and in the midst of one of these volleys he said, imagine if wigs were fireproof :laugh: apropos of absolutely nothing. There's only one answer in these cases... EXACTLY!
What nutty shit have your kids come out with that have made you really scratch your head?
I was actually going to post one in the random thoughts thread yesterday evening :laugh:
Putting my 3yo daughter to bed last night, she wasn't settling, playing and chatting away. She had been learning about feelings in playschool recently and was just reciting it back to me, going "grrr. Dad I'm angry." "Oh! Dad I'm surprised!" and the like. Then she just says "Feelings make me sick" and rolls over to go to sleep.
:laugh: it's amazing. All the madness is learning on some level. It's so entertaining.
There's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"
I don't have kids but I do have a nephew who is now monosyllabic teenager but used to come out with some amazing shit. Witness;
I took him for lunch one day. My brother had been showing him old TMNT cartoons and the lad became fascinated by pizza so we were in an Italian restaurant.
I had ordered pasta for myself, pizza for him.
"And to drink?" the waiter asked.
"Just water for me and eh..." looking over at my nephew who was happily singing the word pizza repeatedly to himself "eh... do you want a Coke or something?"
"Yes please!"
"A Coke?"
"Yes please!"
A lovely lunch was had and I brought him back to his mother in the same condition that he'd left her care.
"Did you have a nice time with uncle Stout?"
"YEAH!" he bellowed.
"What did you have?"
"Pizza... and a big glass of Coke!"
My sister turned to me "He's not allowed to have Coca-Cola or anything else like it. He knows he's not allowed to have it! Look at him!"
I look down and he's whirling like a mini Hunter S. Thompson.
"Wait. Wait. He ASKED me for a Coke!" I protested.
The young lad snapped straight out of it.
"No I didn't. You asked me if I wanted a Coke, I didn't ever ask for it."
Like a 5-year old Rumpole Of The Bailey.
Quote from: Pentagrimes on October 29, 2024, 12:11:15 PMThere's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"
:laugh: Fucking hell!
Teacher, "Can anyone tell me who would live in a monastery?"
My young fella, "Ninjas"
Quote from: StoutAndAle on October 29, 2024, 12:16:48 PMQuote from: Pentagrimes on October 29, 2024, 12:11:15 PMThere's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"
:laugh: Fucking hell!
my daughter is now 20 years old and is still of this opinion.
Quote from: Pentagrimes on October 29, 2024, 02:58:50 PMmy daughter is now 20 years old and is still of this opinion.
She should have come down to Cork last weekend for the Jazz Festival then.
There's never any jazz on at it.
Aslan - yes / Jazz - no.
Quote from: Pentagrimes on October 29, 2024, 12:11:15 PMThere's been many from my daughter over the years but my absolute favourite was when she was about 8, and some Jazz came on the radio. Her mam sighed "I hate jazz" to which the daughter chipped in with "yeah, jazz is for wankers"
This one got a genuine lol out of me. Priceless.
Quote from: StoutAndAle on October 29, 2024, 03:23:40 PMQuote from: Pentagrimes on October 29, 2024, 02:58:50 PMmy daughter is now 20 years old and is still of this opinion.
She should have come down to Cork last weekend for the Jazz Festival then.
There's never any jazz on at it.
Aslan - yes / Jazz - no.
She hates Cork too.
I still have a video of my lad when he was around two and a half bursting into distraught tears at Sting's Fields of Barley playing on the radio, begging me to switch it to something else. Only time anything like it's ever happened :laugh:
Quote from: Black Shepherd Carnage on October 29, 2024, 08:14:17 PMI still have a video of my lad when he was around two and a half bursting into distraught tears at Sting's Fields of Barley playing on the radio, begging me to switch it to something else. Only time anything like it's ever happened :laugh:
When I was a young fella I shared a room with two brothers and we used to listen to cassettes every night. One of them had 3 songs from Vulgar Display Of Power on it and every time meself and the older fella used to throw that on, the youngest lad would start crying, terrified of it and I mean begging for it to stop as soon as it started. So we did the decent thing and fuckin tortured him night after night it.
I don't think he's been right since but he tried to face his fears by giving the rest of his life both listening to and playing the heaviest metal he could find.
Funnily enough, he had no bother with either Fucking Hostile or Rise.
Aye, bit of a tangent but it reminded me of that precious memory straight away reading your post
We potty-trained our young lad recently, and he now asks everyone we meet if they have a penis regardless of gender. He phrases it like he's foreign too which makes it even funnier: "You have penis?". When my wife told him she doesn't have a penis, he replied, "Yes. You have penis". :laugh:
My wife doesn't have a penis btw...not that there's anything wrong with that.
:laugh: :laugh:
When my nephew was about 3, we were in town and there was a dwarf walking down the street in front of us. In his loudest voice he asks me "Why is that man so short?" the guy turns round, looks at my face drop and walks on. Never wanted to be swallowed up by the ground so much in my life.
The little dude comes up to me just now. He had been watching something on YouTube and wanted me to know the man didn't say "fuckin", he said "fruckin".
Okee-fruckin-dokee!
"With his enormous headless leg! He sees them, he's hungry, he eats them! Eugghhhhh! You are dead!"
Snippets of lyrics overheard from my lad's endless improvised song writing :laugh:
9 year old walks into the sitting room a couple of weeks ago and I'm sitting there watching First Dates with the missus...
So a Trans chap is having dinner with a bloke (not bad looking tbf, few pints down I nearly would) and the young lad says
"That's a man"
"Yeah it is" I say
"Oh" says the lad
"Stupid cunt"
Was very hard not to laugh but instead I sent him to bed for the bad language.
That entirely does not come from me because I give all my time preaching tolerance to the little bollixes and there will be no intolerance in my gaff. I think it's the little Polski boy telling them these things
I don't have kids, but I was visiting my niece who is 3.5 years who I had not seen in maybe a month.
My brother answers the door and she runs to greet me, shouting uncle ##### uncle #### I just had a Massive POOH!!! ONE BIG ONE AND ONE LITTLE ONE! THEY CAME FROM MY TUMMY!!!!!
Can't wait till she's a teenager to remind her of that story. :laugh:
Passing time in the car doing word rhymes, -ake words. Usual stuff until I ran out. 3 year old pipes up 'you forgot fuck sake'
Haha. The other day I was watching The Diplomat and the main character says, FOR FUCK SAKE! I look at my young lad playing at the table and he mouths for fuck sake to himself before giving me a cheeky glance. I threw him the hairy eyeball, but sure, I say it roughly ten thousand times a day so who am I to judge!
That reminds me of when I was going along with the young fellas when they were 3 or 4ish and we were playing guessing games.
"What do you really hate that belongs with G, dad?"
"Jaysus I dunno, ummmmm... Girls?"
"No dad, it's the government!"
Just when you think they aren't listening
Sister in law lives in Oz, found her 7yr plds notebook where she'd written down swear words she'd heard at school so she didn't forget them. Obviously spelt wrong as only ever heard them. List was
"fack,
Bich,
What the hell,
Nigar"
The fact its spelt fack cuz she only ever heard fuck in an oz accent killed me.
Beautiful :laugh:
Hurry up and finish your dinner.
I can't, my arm is tired!
I've got too many thoughts, I think I'm going to faint.
Also, my two have it in their heads that Cozy Powell is the drummer in every band they hear.
"Daddy, does Cozy really have Sooty on his drumkit?"
Cozy Powell, yesterday:
(https://ironmaidenweb.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/nicko17.jpg)
:laugh:
My young lad today- Dad, your name is Shit!
Five minutes later after half heartedly reprimanding him for using bad language- Dad, your name is Fuck!
:laugh: cheeky little bollix.
My young fella asks people to shout "I hate happiness" but without pronouncing any h in it.
"Is Mbappé a real person?"
"Of course he is, sure you've seen him playing football. Why do you ask? Did one of your friends tell you he's not real?"
"No, but we never see him when we're out walking."
My wife: "I love you, baba."
My son: "You have big head, Mammy."
My father died towards the end of the last lockdown. As a result like many others the funeral was weird.
Anyway my daughter was 4 just turning 5 at the time.
Before we went to the funeral home my brother was sorting out belongings that had been collected from the hospital.
My daughter said " that's the last we'll bee seeing of him" That was in relation to my father not my brother.
The casket was open at the funeral home ( it wasn't a Covid related death) more for my nowhere to see him as she couldn't see him in hospital.
My daughter marched up, had a look and went down to my mother and said " don't worry granny , at least he wasn't squashed by a bus so he's not all flat"
Myself and my older brother exploded with laughter.
:laugh: :laugh:
:laugh:
Had similar myself years ago with the old man laid out in the funeral home and the young lad gives me a look like something was bugging him.
What's up lad are you okay?
Yeah.... is this heaven??!
My niece rather than daughter but coming down Croagh Patrick a few years ago, I think she was 9, we met people having a rest before the top to which she quips "if you're lost, go up!".
I have two ten year old young lads and they'd recently gotten into swearing and I really didn't like it so I thought that rather than give out to them that I'd teach them to say Good Lord instead of fuck and shit and piss (cufk tish sips). Of course I've never believed in the whole do as I say not as I do thing so now they have me saying Good Lord going around and they're at it too in their filthy tracksuits and it's actually hilarious tbf and what craic it is the three of us eejits going around all Good Lord but it's better than making scobes out of ourselves and I think I'm going to try to be a lad who doesn't swear for emphasis as a result
Haha, I do this regularly, Good Gracious or Dear Me are worth a go too.
Heavens above!
5 year old yesterday pointed at my toe and said "is that your toenail?". I said "yes".
He says earnestly, "very impressive".
:-\
:laugh: