Things that you encounter in your day-to-day life that beggar belief. Not drink related.
A new lad started in the place where I work a few weeks ago. He's doing 2 days a week and studying in a technical college at the same time.
His folks are Polish, he grew up here for the most part but he still has a bit of Eastern European twang and vernacular.
This morning my boss came into me and asked if I'd take him under my wing for the day and show him some of the basic processes.
About half an hour into the job and I have him handing me my tools, explaining what's what when I ask;
"Do you think you'll stick the course and be a fitter, Janusz?"
"Yes, I like the college and this work - it interests me." he says.
"Very good. Is this your first placement?" I ask handing him back a torque wrench.
"Eh... yes."
"Well stick with us and..."
"No. Not first placement."
"Oh right. Fair enough. Pass me the threadlock."
"Last place was OK but I had to leave after I got in the fight with training instructor."
"An argument, you mean?"
"No. A fight. I beat up the man."
Quote from: StoutAndAle on May 17, 2024, 12:40:45 PMThings that you encounter in your day-to-day life that beggar belief. Not drink related.
A new lad started in the place where I work a few weeks ago. He's doing 2 days a week and studying in a technical college at the same time.
His folks are Polish, he grew up here for the most part but he still has a bit of Eastern European twang and vernacular.
This morning my boss came into me and asked if I'd take him under my wing for the day and show him some of the basic processes.
About half an hour into the job and I have him handing me my tools, explaining what's what when I ask;
"Do you think you'll stick the course and be a fitter, Janusz?"
"Yes, I like the college and this work - it interests me." he says.
"Very good. Is this your first placement?" I ask handing him back a torque wrench.
"Eh... yes."
"Well stick with us and..."
"No. Not first placement."
"Oh right. Fair enough. Pass me the threadlock."
"Last place was OK but I had to leave after I got in the fight with training instructor."
"An argument, you mean?"
"No. A fight. I beat up the man."
He's cut out to be a welder / boilermaker or a scaffolder if the fitting doesn't work out. When I'm supervising the technicians I work with in remote areas I always remind them on the 1 night off a week piss up in the pub not to pick a fight with the scaffolding boys. "They're all maoris and they'll bate the shite out of ye"
Fair warning.
I remember years ago- twenty at least I reckon at this stage- but I was waiting at the bus stop heading home from college. Along the quays in Dublin, near Fitzsimon's pub, rammed to the gills with commuters as there were four or five different routes that stopped there and it was around 5pm. This chick gets up off her perch on a windowsill to check the times or the bus numbers or whatever, so she's swanning up and down the pathway in front of everyone checking all the signs. Her fucking skirt somehow got stuffed down the back of her tights so her arse is on display for around a hundred people to see. Everyone is looking at each other in a state of embarrassment and shock and you can see each person trying to work out the calculations as to which is the better option- tap her on the shoulder and let her know so she dies with humiliation or say fuck all and laugh all the way home. We all silently agreed on the latter :laugh:
I was waiting to see it on the telly for a few weeks after. Hidden camera job... never happened.
Quote from: 91/30 on May 17, 2024, 01:06:44 PMHe's cut out to be a welder / boilermaker or a scaffolder if the fitting doesn't work out. When I'm supervising the technicians I work with in remote areas I always remind them on the 1 night off a week piss up in the pub not to pick a fight with the scaffolding boys. "They're all maoris and they'll bate the shite out of ye"
Yeah - there's a lad here who's a coded welder and there is absolutely
NO slagging to be had with him.
Not even offhand questions for fear that you might get a chipping hammer in the back of the head.
"Alright, Brendan?"
"Why wouldn't I fuckin' be?"
"Right on. Talk to you later."
I work in the library service. People think it's a nice job but because of the resources we provide it's actually a haven for homeless and unemployed so it's actually just a mass of drugs, overdoses and violence every day.
Had one recently where a staff member ran back to get me (I'm management, so get the Joy of dealing with the worst stuff) saying about how a customer had set the bathrooms on fire. Sure enough I go into the women's and the smoke is so thick you can barely see. Like kill you in a couple of minutes smoke. I see the fire in one of the stalls, but I also see two feet in there and the door closed.
I begin hammering the door and shouting at them to come out but no response (these are standing feet). There's a security measure whereby if you grip the door from the bottom and wrench upwards it will open, so I do that and some woman is in there looking at me blankly. I can see on the ground she's taken about 10-15 books off the shelves and set them on fire.
I start shouting at her to come out because I'm choking and coughing and it's dangerous, and suddenly she pulls out a straight razor and advances on me with it. I back right off and try to de-escalate her, but she just heads back into the stall and closes and locks the door (suicide attempt?)
I run out onto the floor, give the evacuation order, and grab a fire extinguisher and head back in and extinguish the flames underneath the door and then run back out. About 2mins later she bolts out of the bathroom and into the street.
We had to close the branch for the night because of the smoke, so I'm dealing with all the aftermath and the various emergency services and about a hour later I spot her up the street a out 100 meters away just watching the melee. I tell the police and they jump into the car to go and pick her up, and I walk over there too.
There goes by about 15mins of searching for her in the estate, me walking round and the police zipping by every so often. Eventually we find her and they go to make the arrest and I head back over to the branch.
About 10mins later they come back and say they'll have to get my statement tomorrow because she's just swallowed a razor blade and they have to get her to the hospital.
Never did find out what happened to her after that. I had an interview first thing the next morning too and ended up being busy til like 12pm that night dealing with everything so missed a bunch of prep time.
Amazingly, shit like that happens in the library all the time. Next time you encounter a library staff member and say something stupid like, "That'd be a great job, I'd love to sit around and read books all day", at least now you know why you get punched in the face :laugh:
Quote from: StoutAndAle on May 17, 2024, 03:08:40 PMYeah - there's a lad here who's a coded welder and there is absolutely NO slagging to be had with him.
Not even offhand questions for fear that you might get a chipping hammer in the back of the head.
"Alright, Brendan?"
"Why wouldn't I fuckin' be?"
"Right on. Talk to you later."
Someone that angry you've got to wonder how miserable they are in their lives...
Ah listen angry people there's no winning there.
.
Quote from: StoutAndAle on May 17, 2024, 03:08:40 PMQuote from: 91/30 on May 17, 2024, 01:06:44 PMHe's cut out to be a welder / boilermaker or a scaffolder if the fitting doesn't work out. When I'm supervising the technicians I work with in remote areas I always remind them on the 1 night off a week piss up in the pub not to pick a fight with the scaffolding boys. "They're all maoris and they'll bate the shite out of ye"
Yeah - there's a lad here who's a coded welder and there is absolutely NO slagging to be had with him.
Not even offhand questions for fear that you might get a chipping hammer in the back of the head.
"Alright, Brendan?"
"Why wouldn't I fuckin' be?"
"Right on. Talk to you later."
I used to be one of them, had the ASME IX certs and all that, never got the flowerpower hat, does yer man have one of those? They're a seperate breed all right, nearly as cranky as storemen.
Quote from: Mooncat on May 17, 2024, 04:28:31 PMI work in the library service. People think it's a nice job but because of the resources we provide it's actually a haven for homeless and unemployed so it's actually just a mass of drugs, overdoses and violence every day.
Think you mentioned before you are in Canada right? Vancouver was fuckin rattled with this sort of shit when I lived there too. Absolute lunacy was commonplace.
I've a few tales in general anyway for this thread for later (from here and there).
Quote from: ochoill on May 17, 2024, 06:30:57 PMQuote from: Mooncat on May 17, 2024, 04:28:31 PMI work in the library service. People think it's a nice job but because of the resources we provide it's actually a haven for homeless and unemployed so it's actually just a mass of drugs, overdoses and violence every day.
Think you mentioned before you are in Canada right? Vancouver was fuckin rattled with this sort of shit when I lived there too. Absolute lunacy was commonplace.
I've a few tales in general anyway for this thread for later (from here and there).
Yes I'm in Edmonton, so over in the west of Canada as well. I visited Vancouver last year and there was that one infamous street, Hastings Street, and as we were coming in in the Uber it was literally just a mile or two long of homeless packed onto every inch of the footpath the whole way along it. Thousands of them. Never seen anything like it in my life.
Quote from: Eoin McLove on May 17, 2024, 01:11:21 PMFair warning.
I remember years ago- twenty at least I reckon at this stage- but I was waiting at the bus stop heading home from college. Along the quays in Dublin, near Fitzsimon's pub, rammed to the gills with commuters as there were four or five different routes that stopped there and it was around 5pm. This chick gets up off her perch on a windowsill to check the times or the bus numbers or whatever, so she's swanning up and down the pathway in front of everyone checking all the signs. Her fucking skirt somehow got stuffed down the back of her tights so her arse is on display for around a hundred people to see. Everyone is looking at each other in a state of embarrassment and shock and you can see each person trying to work out the calculations as to which is the better option- tap her on the shoulder and let her know so she dies with humiliation or say fuck all and laugh all the way home. We all silently agreed on the latter :laugh:
I was waiting to see it on the telly for a few weeks after. Hidden camera job... never happened.
:laugh: , that's a rare spot. I was waiting for the 66 bus there one evening coming home from work. It was late, I got held up fixing a machine or something and I was in a proper cunt of a mood. There was only me and another lad down the path a bit waiting for another bus. Next thing this scrote rocks up, pulls a knife out of his hoodie pocket, not much of a knife now but a knife none the less, and says he wants my wallet.
I told him to get fucked coupled with various threats of what would happen to him if he didn't, in fact, get fucked.
He thought better of it anyway and walked away emptyhanded to a tirade of abuse from yours truly.
A minute later a young wan comes storming down the path with a rather ashen faced aforementioned scrote in tow and stops in front of me,
"What the fuck did you call my brother" she says, the attitude and cheap cider seeping out of her.
"What are ya on about", says I "The little prick is after pulling a knife on me"
"Ya wha" says she, turning to the now rosy faced future gangster, " I told ya to just ask him ya little bollix" and gives him a slap to the head.
The two of them walk off arguing like an auld married couple and I look over to the other lad waiting down the path to see if he had witnessed the spectacle, he was practically in tears laughing so I assume he must have.
Demented.
:laugh: unreal.
Dublin for ya. Worst hole I've ever shat in.
I feel like I might have a few for this thread. Hoping Ochoill might jog the memory with a few of his.
Just while we're on Dublin I did walk up John's Road there one day on my lunch behind a chap wearing one of those Australian hats with the corks on it and he was screaming into a dictaphone, narrating his way down the road absolutely effing and blinding into it about the walls and footpaths and the people walking on them. Got about 200 yards out of him before I got to the gate of the workplace twas great craic. Anyway, not a great one, just popped into my head.
Saw a fella strolling through the river down town a couple of weeks ago was on the bridge and out he came from under it (river about 3 feet deep max) in his runners and jeans, dressed regular like. Watched him stroll on down for a few minutes before he hops out again and just goes on his way down the road. By the time I got the phone out I only caught the tail end of it but yeah grand entertainment for 5 o clock in the evening. It's not a shortcut to anywhere either.
Then there was that lad wanking in the window that I put the video in the random thoughts thread last week but I didn't take that video.
Anyway those aren't really stories just odd random bits of weirdness that sort of happen everywhere. Looking forward to hearing a few more ones with a story
There must be something in the water in Canada. Remember being called evil and told how I was destined for the depths of hell in a McDonalds by a tall elderly lady in a wedding dress (veil and all) who had been talking to a cabbage. (It might have been a Wendy's rather than a Mickey Ds). This was in Toronto.
In fairness the Canadians who we got chatting to in the place did give her some shit first... I've never poked crazy since as I was one freaked out 18 year old during the whole incident.
If I wasn't there I would never have believed anyone if they told me that story.
Quote from: Anvil on May 18, 2024, 11:11:56 AMThere must be something in the water in Canada. Remember being called evil and told how I was destined for the depths of hell in a McDonalds by a tall elderly lady in a wedding dress (veil and all) who had been talking to a cabbage. (It might have been a Wendy's rather than a Mickey Ds). This was in Toronto.
In fairness the Canadians who we got chatting to in the place did give her some shit first... I've never poked crazy since as I was one freaked out 18 year old during the whole incident.
If I wasn't there I would never have believed anyone if they told me that story.
Toronto is full of crazy people far more than you would see in Ireland. Noticed a major decline the last time I was there in November. Fella walking around a Tim Hortons who had shit his pants none of the staff wanted to know about it and then some elderly Indian fella screaming at the staff because they wouldn't give him the key to the staff toilet as the other lad had covered the public one's in shit. The apartment block I use to live was right beside a Mc Donalds walked into the toilet one night to see a woman passed out on the floor of the mens toilets with a syringe hanging out of her arm.
Almost anytime you walk into any food type place in the GTA you will see someone crazy up to something usually it is someone in the corner on their own having a full blown conversation with themsleves.
A few years ago Vancouver basically said they would turn a blind eye to drug use down town and that is why that place now resembles downtown Philly or Skid Row.
I once saw a deaf woman on a bus have a full blown argument with someone who wasn't there... in sign language! One of the strangest things I've ever witnessed.
Quote from: Anvil on May 18, 2024, 11:11:56 AMThere must be something in the water in Canada. Remember being called evil and told how I was destined for the depths of hell in a McDonalds by a tall elderly lady in a wedding dress (veil and all) who had been talking to a cabbage. (It might have been a Wendy's rather than a Mickey Ds). This was in Toronto.
In fairness the Canadians who we got chatting to in the place did give her some shit first... I've never poked crazy since as I was one freaked out 18 year old during the whole incident.
If I wasn't there I would never have believed anyone if they told me that story.
That's North America for you in general, every major city is just full of crazies walking the streets. They have far worse mental health support than we do back home. Most of them are just turned out onto the streets and become homeless. Another area where there's nowhere near enough support. The amount of people that come into the branch, sit down and immediately piss or shit themselves, then pick up the nearest object and try to fight staff with it is abnormal.
Ironically, for the record, I in general feel FAR safer in Canada than I did back home :laugh:
I have visited Canada twice in the last 12 months - Victoria and around Vancouver Island then on to Vancouver last June and then Toronto in February of this year.
Canada, for years, seemed to be portrayed both by the media and Canadians themselves as the USA's cooler, older brother. Free medi-care, lower drinking age, relaxed attitude to drugs.
It was a bit of trip to walk down East Hastings St. in Vancouver and see literally kilometers of pavement taken over by drug addicts and people with mental heath issues. Folks injecting themselves out in the open, crack pipes, the whole nine yards. And then, one street over, bars serving beer for $14 a pint and studio apartments going for $1million.
I went to see a gig in a venue called The Rickshaw on that street and had to explain to my missus that we'd be doing what Bill Hicks called the "100-metre Bum Hurdle" to get there.
Toronto was the same. There was a little park on King/Spadina nearby my hotel which had been turned into a smack/meth tent city. The receptionist advised that I walked around it rather than through it.
"It's not dangerous" she said "they'll just hassle you for money but, cos they're Canadian, they'll apologise afterwards for inconveniencing you".
I'm not sure if these two major cities are indicative of the Canada experience overall but on this evidence, as Mooncat said, it's just North America now.
I've been to the US dozens of times and recently the whole thing has gone on the backslide. Portland is rough, there are whole towns of people living on road medians in Los Angeles, New York is a real watermark of the have/have-nots and Chicago (to my mind - the great city in the USA) has become violently dangerous.
Ya was in new York recently. The amount of mental people walking around is nuts. We give out about mental health services here but we're miles ahead in that regard.
Now I didn't feel unsafe in New York.found it friendly. Chicago though. Fuck me. We got the wrong bus one night. Got off the bus into an episode of the wire. Defo would never go back to Chicago.
Quote from: Ollkiller on May 28, 2024, 12:48:00 PMYa was in new York recently. The amount of mental people walking around is nuts. We give out about mental health services here but we're miles ahead in that regard.
Now I didn't feel unsafe in New York.found it friendly. Chicago though. Fuck me. We got the wrong bus one night. Got off the bus into an episode of the wire. Defo would never go back to Chicago.
I'm heading back to New York again in a few weeks. The element of danger and edginess (part of the charm in a way) that was there when I first visited 25 years ago has given way to selfishness and being completely unfriendly - as you said - in the last 15 years. The people were always brusque but that's because they were busy but now it's mainly self-entitled dickheads or rich people doing Instagram videos and pretending that there's not citizens sleeping in a box 20 metres from them.
I love Chicago. I go there a lot. But you have to pick your spots. Nobody has any business heading south of Bronzeville/Chinatown unless they live there - especially at night. Even The Loop (the downtown area) is now really sketchy at times even during business hours. I normally hang out around Bucktown/Wicker Park/Logan Sq./Old Town on the Northside which are relatively safe/quiet hipster areas with good bars etc. but, in saying that, a few days after I got home last time, my buddy who lives in the city told me that there had been an armed robbery turned murder and several home invasions within two blocks of my AirBNB. This all seems to have kicked off during COVID and remained ever since.
My buddy told me that there were roving gangs coming from South Chicago and starting shit during recent Gaza/Civil Rights/political parades/marches/protests which turned into looting events. He had to sit on his lawn along with other neighbours on the street so that their gaffs weren't burned down when the local liquor stores and electrical shops were inevitably hit.
Chicago sounds fuckin' lethal. Post-covid though everywhere is crazy. I wonder how long that'll all take to settle down. Could just be we're in the 70s part 2 for a while. Time to revisit the Death Wish series.
Still though, as bonkers as all that stuff is, there's just nowhere near the level of general inclination towards violence/vandalism etc. Back home (anywhere in the UK or Ireland really) you could get into a fight at almost anytime, particularly on a night out. Just that whole, "What the fuck are you lookin' at" vibe. People who are just inclined to wards fighting. I'm not saying people like that don't exist in Canada (or the US) but the whole vibe is just different. I've never once felt unsafe or threatened anywhere in 9 years. The only way you'd get into a fight here is if you went out of your way to provoke one, and nobody does. It's great! Especially after growing up in the north and fearing for your life on a much too regular basis. That whole, "Hmm there's a group of fellas standing ahead up there, better cross over just to be sure".
My office building is in a complex that has a car park where a fair few desperate souls (and not the ones working here) congregate at night, drink cans, shoot heroin, sleep etc.
Most of them are harmless, there have been a few incidents down the years but that I guess that goes with a hard life like theirs.
One quite frustrating issue that we've had with these folks is them leaving their needles, cans/flagons and pissed/shitted sleeping bags (or tents) behind them for us to clean up.
Of late, I have noticed that the car park is remarkably tidy - even after weekends when, normally, it looks like The Cursed Earth from 2000AD.
There's one old boy called Seamus who has been drinking/living in the car park for years. He's a bit of a hippy - someone told me that he used to live quite well in a house on the West Cork coast but snapped from the drink/drugs. I normally find him on a pallet round the back of the building, dealing with whatever he's done to himself the night before.
However, last Monday morning I found him, sitting by our bike rack, eating sausage rolls with unbridled gusto from the Centra up the road.
"Any baccy, brudder?" he asked - knowing full well that I packed in the smokes over a decade ago.
"Nah, Seamus boy - Tommo will give you a smoke when he comes along though".
"I have me own!" says Seamus proudly producing a pack from his jacket.
"Fair play" says I "Tommo will be delighted".
"Mmm. Mmm. Hmmm. Earned myself a few bob." says he chewing while looking down into the greasy bag for another sausage roll.
"Oh yeah?" I nod, looking around to see what could have been missing/sold from the yard.
He beckoned me over conspiratorially and looked around cautiously.
"You know the cans?" he asked, licking grease off his fingers "The cans that the lads leave behind? I take them all to the shops and put them in the machine over there." says he jutting his chin in the direction the Lidl in the nearby shopping precinct.
"Is that right?"
"That's right, brudder. Gonna save up and send my niece to Majorca for a week too." says he pulling open a bag of something else from the hot counter and offering me first dip.
"No thanks, Seamy - take it handy though, right? You'll have to move from here before the security van comes around."
"On my way" says he picking up his stuff. "Hey, big brudder - look what else I got!" opening his backpack to reveal a stack of cans. "Nearly pays for itself!"
Earlier this morning, I was told that Seamus and some other homeless lad were both arrested after an unmerciful brawl broke out at the Lidl can return station.
It's the dark side of canpitalism.
A mate who lives in Spain has converted part of his house to have a couple of rooms he lets out on AirB&B. He is now a regular source of great tales concerning the stream of total fucking head-the-balls he has to accomodate. From folks who never, and I mean never, leave the room other than to collect deliveroo food delivered to the door, to the amount of cunts who think they can steal towels from his fucking house when they leave, to the fucks who try to get into his separate section of the house when he's not there, it's a real eye-opener. He's currently got a lady there who's somehow going through 4 toilet rolls every day. Mental :laugh:
There was one a while back who described herself as a "serial entrepreneur", her website is amazing. I still don't have a fucking clue what it is she does or sells :laugh: https://lagertha.mn.co/
Quote from: Bürggermeister on August 02, 2024, 06:00:41 PMA mate who lives in Spain has converted part of his house to have a couple of rooms he lets out on AirB&B. He is now a regular source of great tales concerning the stream of total fucking head-the-balls he has to accomodate. From folks who never, and I mean never, leave the room other than to collect deliveroo food delivered to the door, to the amount of cunts who think they can steal towels from his fucking house when they leave, to the fucks who try to get into his separate section of the house when he's not there, it's a real eye-opener. He's currently got a lady there who's somehow going through 4 toilet rolls every day. Mental :laugh:
There was one a while back who described herself as a "serial entrepreneur", her website is amazing. I still don't have a fucking clue what it is she does or sells :laugh: https://lagertha.mn.co/
Ugh, seems like one of those cunts whose business is telling other cunts how they should run their business. The type of cunt that says things like 'circling the wagons', 'let's sunset that process', or 'when was the last time you did something for the first time'. Cunt.
A mate of mine used to own a small hotel in Menorca, and one of his guests shat the bed three nights in a row.
I had only minimal sympathy after discovering how much the cunt was charging in high season.
My local pub had a phantom shitter for a while. A regular was shitting themselves and then hiding their shitty boxers in one of the toilet cisterns... The landlady was very forthright in questioning who it was as it was normally her who had to fish them out. Don't know if she ever found out who it was, or if she did she kept their identity very secret.
Fucking hell lads.
We had a lad in the gym who used to leave his clothes strewn around the dressing room. Ultimately bad form, but whatever, we took to just balling them up and throwing them one side.
That was all fine and dandy until one of the boys picked up his trackkie pants to be greeted by a gooey shite smooshed into the mesh lining.
The same bucko had really poor deadlift technique too. He'd drop in such a manner that he'd skin his shins, and leave bits of it on the barbell.
Quote from: Ducky on August 05, 2024, 10:13:15 AMFucking hell lads.
We had a lad in the gym who used to leave his clothes strewn around the dressing room. Ultimately bad form, but whatever, we took to just balling them up and throwing them one side.
That was all fine and dandy until one of the boys picked up his trackkie pants to be greeted by a gooey shite smooshed into the mesh lining.
The same bucko had really poor deadlift technique too. He'd drop in such a manner that he'd skin his shins, and leave bits of it on the barbell.
:laugh:
The sister in laws Bichon Frise is getting towards the end of the road. She had a little bowel related accident on the kitchen floor the other day and before she saw this to clean it up, her new robotic hoover decided to try and help.... by smearing it all over the place :laugh:
The thoughts of where to start trying to sort a mess like that out :'(
:laugh: beautiful
Myself and a mate used to share a house with another friend who owned the house, one night at around 11 myself and my mate were watching telly and the doorbell rings, mates goes to answer it and there's a woman at the door looking for our other friend and my mate says he's not in, she's insists on coming in anyway so he lets her in.
So she's in the sitting room chatting away, all of a sudden she says do you want to see my scar (pure father ted stuff), and we go eh? Next thing she has her trousers down and her leg up on the chair and she has some kind of scar on her inner thigh, nasty looking, I think she said it was some kind of botched surgery, my mate gets a bit freaked out, next thing she has her trousers fully off and starts to do forward rolls across the floor and attempting cartwheels, my mate says fuck this and heads off to bed, so I'm there with her on my own, thankfully she puts her trousers back on and sits down again, I begin to drop hints that its late and that I have to get up for work and she says can I sleep on the couch, I reluctantly agreed and head off to bed, I'm in bed about half an hour and there's a knock on the door and it opens anyway, she says can I come in and I say eh? I'm trying to sleep! She comes in anyway sits on the bed and says ohh cool room (metal posters everywhere etc) and then heads for the CD rack, starts going through them, ohh and Type O Negative cool etc she picks out a few and says can I borrow these and I again reluctantly agreed, next think she's down the stairs and out the front door..
Next morning myself and my mate both get ready for work and he says wtf was that about last night, she had come to his room as well but he let on he was asleep, our other mate came back later that evening and we explain our story, he's says yeah she's a bit strange, I wouldn't have let her in, never saw her or the CD's again...
And not even the tip for all that? She must have an equally strange story to tell... I pulled my pants down and snaked across the floor and the two boys still didn't get the hint. Fucking metal virgins!
Quote from: Eoin McLove on August 23, 2024, 12:22:23 PMAnd not even the tip for all that? She must have an equally strange story to tell... I pulled my pants down and snaked across the floor and the two boys still didn't get the hint. Fucking metal virgins!
Not with a barge pole....
She went on to refine her moves in the Olympic break dancing for Australia
And we are all very proud 8)
Had to go a family engagement party on Friday night. It was in the couple's house - a house that I have never been to in my life and have only met the prospective groom 4 or 5 times.
My brother, Podsie, had grumbled to me a few weeks back "Fuck sake, the party should be on in a pub or something. I'll have to get a lift to the gaff - no way I'm not drinking at that thing". Himself and his missus got the last two spots in my father's car so he could booze away as planned.
Resigned to the fact that we would have to drive down to the middle of nowhere in West Cork, I tapped the Eircode into the car sat-nav and off my wife and I went.
Things didn't start off so well - we pulled up to a massive pile of bricks, down a drive longer than my walk to the local shop. I looked at my missus and said "This can't be it... can it?". There were a few other cars parked up so we decided that it was. Hopped out, grabbed the present, went to the front door, pressed the bell and waited.
And waited. No answer. I went to pressed the bell again and my wife stopped me.
"What?" I asked. "We've been out here for 5 minutes". So I have it another push. Nothing. "Is this the right house?"
"Sounds like there are people inside." said she.
I decided to go with a forceful but jaunty tap-tap-tap-taptap...tap-tap. Nothing.
"I'll go around the back. Maybe the bell is broken".
"No. Don't leave me here in case they come out when you're gone."
"I'll be back in a sec" and I started around the edge of house. I got between the gable end and the separate garage (bigger than the house that I grew up in) when all of a sudden about a dozen security lights flashed on.
It was like the bit on the roof in Guns N' Roses' "Don't Cry" video.
"Who's out there?" came a voice from beyond the dazzle, over the back garden fence.
I turned on my heels and ran back to the front door. My missus was gone. Pulled out my phone and there was a message.
"The door is open".
I left myself in, the party seemed to be in the back of the house. There were a fair few people already and I heard more pulling up. Made my entrance, shook hands with the future bride and groom, located the people that I know and began to calm down a bit.
"The fucking bell definitely isn't working" I crowed to the brother.
"Is it not?" he replied, shrugging and taking a belt off of his beer "We just left ourselves in."
A while later, the house was packed 50 - 60 people floating between the kitchen and the room next to it. Caterers were handing out food and stuff. It was nice bar shaking hands with strangers, having to listen to who they were, how they were related to the groom and then me telling them who I was and so on.
"Still think that it should have been in a pub" said the brother as he ate his 27th cocktail sausage. "I mean, the food is nice and the drink is free but still. Not a lot of craic is there? Didn't Claudia say that there was meant to be a DJ?"
"Dunno." I shrugged as I looked a the lemon and ice in my sparkling water. (Deciding not to drink at these things is a big no-no).
The bride-to-be, was near us so Podsie waved her over.
"Everything thing alright, lads?" she asked "Enjoying yourselves?".
"Yeah. It's lovely" said I.
"Wasn't there supposed to be a DJ?" Podsie enquired.
"Oh, there was. A friend of ours, Darren. But his mam had a fall and had to be taken to hospital."
"Bad one" says I.
"I know but sure what can you do?" said Claudia. "Oh look, that's him. Hi Darren."
Darren the DJ shuffled towards us holding a bottle of Moretti.
"Hi, Claudia. Sorry I couldn't do the music for you tonight. Yourself and Matthew are doing a great job hosting."
"Not at all... These are my..." and she tried to introduce us.
"Were you s'posed to be the DJ?" interjected Podsie.
"Yeah. I was but my mother had a fall and..." replied Darren the DJ.
"And you still came to the party but not to play tunes?" asked Podsie.
"Eh, yeah."
"I see. Did your mother fall onto your record decks or what?"
Quote from: StoutAndAle on November 18, 2024, 10:18:07 AMHad to go a family engagement party on Friday night. It was in the couple's house - a house that I have never been to in my life and have only met the prospective groom 4 or 5 times.
My brother, Podsie, had grumbled to me a few weeks back "Fuck sake, the party should be on in a pub or something. I'll have to get a lift to the gaff - no way I'm not drinking at that thing". Himself and his missus got the last two spots in my father's car so he could booze away as planned.
Resigned to the fact that we would have to drive down to the middle of nowhere in West Cork, I tapped the Eircode into the car sat-nav and off my wife and I went.
Things didn't start off so well - we pulled up to a massive pile of bricks, down a drive longer than my walk to the local shop. I looked at my missus and said "This can't be it... can it?". There were a few other cars parked up so we decided that it was. Hopped out, grabbed the present, went to the front door, pressed the bell and waited.
And waited. No answer. I went to pressed the bell again and my wife stopped me.
"What?" I asked. "We've been out here for 5 minutes". So I have it another push. Nothing. "Is this the right house?"
"Sounds like there are people inside." said she.
I decided to go with a forceful but jaunty tap-tap-tap-taptap...tap-tap. Nothing.
"I'll go around the back. Maybe the bell is broken".
"No. Don't leave me here in case they come out when you're gone."
"I'll be back in a sec" and I started around the edge of house. I got between the gable end and the separate garage (bigger than the house that I grew up in) when all of a sudden about a dozen security lights flashed on.
It was like the bit on the roof in Guns N' Roses' "Don't Cry" video.
"Who's out there?" came a voice from beyond the dazzle, over the back garden fence.
I turned on my heels and ran back to the front door. My missus was gone. Pulled out my phone and there was a message.
"The door is open".
I left myself in, the party seemed to be in the back of the house. There were a fair few people already and I heard more pulling up. Made my entrance, shook hands with the future bride and groom, located the people that I know and began to calm down a bit.
"The fucking bell definitely isn't working" I crowed to the brother.
"Is it not?" he replied, shrugging and taking a belt off of his beer "We just left ourselves in."
A while later, the house was packed 50 - 60 people floating between the kitchen and the room next to it. Caterers were handing out food and stuff. It was nice bar shaking hands with strangers, having to listen to who they were, how they were related to the groom and then me telling them who I was and so on.
"Still think that it should have been in a pub" said the brother as he ate his 27th cocktail sausage. "I mean, the food is nice and the drink is free but still. Not a lot of craic is there? Didn't Claudia say that there was meant to be a DJ?"
"Dunno." I shrugged as I looked a the lemon and ice in my sparkling water. (Deciding not to drink at these things is a big no-no).
The bride-to-be, was near us so Podsie waved her over.
"Everything thing alright, lads?" she asked "Enjoying yourselves?".
"Yeah. It's lovely" said I.
"Wasn't there supposed to be a DJ?" Podsie enquired.
"Oh, there was. A friend of ours, Darren. But his mam had a fall and had to be taken to hospital."
"Bad one" says I.
"I know but sure what can you do?" said Claudia. "Oh look, that's him. Hi Darren."
Darren the DJ shuffled towards us holding a bottle of Moretti.
"Hi, Claudia. Sorry I couldn't do the music for you tonight. Yourself and Matthew are doing a great job hosting."
"Not at all... These are my..." and she tried to introduce us.
"Were you s'posed to be the DJ?" interjected Podsie.
"Yeah. I was but my mother had a fall and..." replied Darren the DJ.
"And you still came to the party but not to play tunes?" asked Podsie.
"Eh, yeah."
"I see. Did your mother fall onto your record decks or what?"
Fair fucks!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Well it's a fair question!
I can't believe I read all that... :-\
Quote from: StoutAndAle on November 18, 2024, 10:18:07 AM"I see. Did your mother fall onto your record decks or what?"
:sniffles: :laugh:
:laugh: I love those stories, keep 'em coming please!
Seen a lad today on a Bolt bike (pedal bike with an electric motor that you can't rent from an app and pay per minute - as a cyclist myself they're horrid things) stopped to have a wee tap on his phone... I was on the bus that had to stop sideways on the road because it couldn't complete its turn due to this dipshit.
Bonus points for him having earbuds in (another huge peeve of mine as a cyclist) and he couldn't hear the bus sitting on its horn for him to move.
Absolute clown shenanigans.
Quote from: jobrok1 on November 18, 2024, 03:50:49 PMI can't believe I read all that... :-\
I can't believe you're complaining about it :-\
Just back from a job site where I had to run through something with an in-house technician called JJ.
".... and if there's any further issues you can give me a shout. OK, JJ?"
"Yep sound" said JJ "I'll walk you back down to the reception".
As we walked along someone poke their head out of an office and said;
"Stephen, would you mind taking a look at this for me?"
I kept walking but JJ had broken off and was walking towards the person that had shouted out for Stephen. JJ called after me "Stout! Hold tough there for a minute, you need to be accompanied."
Perhaps yer wan had gotten JJ mixed up with someone else. A few minutes later we were on the way to the front door.
"Mad in a big place like this that people can get you confused with someone else." says I.
"Yeah, hasn't happened to me yet though" replied JJ "and my memory is something shocking."
I was now completely confused.
Got the the reception where a security guard asked who I worked for and what time I signed in. He brought up the screen in front of me and as I was about to sign out he said to JJ;
"France were way too strong for Ireland eh, Steve?".
My eyes darted along the screen and sure enough, I had been booked in for a meeting with Stephen Murphy*. I was 100% convinced that he introduced himself as JJ Murphy to me when we first met about 2 years ago.
"Yeah, imagine if Dupont had been on for the whole game?" said JJ/Stephen/Steve as he turned to shake my hand goodbye.
"Em. Sorry but I think I've been calling you by the wrong name. I thought your name was JJ"
"It is."
"But he called you Stephen" I said, nodding at the security guard.
"Yeah, Stephen Murphy"
"How do you get JJ from Stephen Murphy?"
"My dad's name was John. So JJ is short for John Junior"
"Oh right. So your first name is actually John?"
"No" said JJ - with a tone which, quite frankly, implied that he was talking to a simpleton, "My name is Stephen. My dad wanted to call me John after but my mother picked Stephen."
"Right but when I met you, you said that your name was JJ."
"Yeah. I go by Stephen or JJ because my dad was well known where I'm from."
"Oh right. Did he work here too or something?"
"No. He died in 1999."
It was at this point that I had to check that I could smile and remember who was the current Taoiseach because I feared that I might have been having a stroke.
"Good luck so."
Limerick is a weird place.
*Not his real surname.
It's a nickname. Seems fairly straight forward to me.
Fair enough - maybe I am a simpleton.
Quote from: StoutAndAle on March 10, 2025, 02:36:00 PMFair enough - maybe I am a simpleton.
I only found out that my own father's first name wasn't even his name when I was about 16. It's not unheard of in munster
Ha, yeah found out my brother-in-law's first name wasn't his actual first name the day he married my sister with the ol' "do you such-and-such take..." line.
They were together five years before they married :laugh:
Father used to have a minibus and he was putting his name on the side of it and I was asking why was he putting it down as that? Thought he was at some tax trick or something. That's when I found out what I'd thought was his name wasn't even his middle name. Funny enough after all those years
I was on a job up in Dublin last week.
One of the trainees/apprentices was told to pack the gear and follow the checklist - true to form (and this is partly my fault for not checking his homework) - we discovered that we were missing a few tools from the kit when we landed at the job.
Not a big deal - found the nearest toolroom supplier and headed in that direction.
Stood in the queue at the trade-counter I overheard the following;
"Do youse sell torque screwdrivers?" asked a customer.
"Torque wrenches, yeah?" came back the reply from the lad behind the counter.
"No, a torque screwdriver. For small ranges."
"Oh. Yeah we do, yeah."
"Righ' and are they insulated? You know wharra mean, VDE yeah?"
"Yeah, for electrical work."
"That's right, I'm doing work on panels that will be live"
The counter lad comes back with a VDE 1000V torque screwdriver.
"That's the fella" says the customer "How much is tha'?"
"Eh..." looking at the computer on the counter "it's gonna be two hundreh and... two hundreh and forty plus VAT"
"Ah here! No, no way. Do yis have ordinary torque screwdrivers? Cheaper?"
"Yeah. They're abou' a hundreh and forty quid. They won't be insulated from high voltage but!"
"Fuck tha'. Gimme the cheap one. Probably not all the panels are live."